Otto Titsling, inventor and kraut,
had nothing to get very worked up about.
His inventions were failures,
his future seemed bleak.
He fled to the opera
at least twice a week.
One night at the opera he saw an Aida
who's t ts were so big they
would often impede her.
Bug eyed he watched
her fall into the pit,
done in by the weight
of those terrible t ts.
Oh, my god! There she blows!
Aerodynamically this b h was a mess.
Otto eyeballed the diva lying
comatose amongst the reeds,
and he suddenly felt
the fire of inspiration
flood his soul. He knew
what he had to do!
He ran back to his workshop
where he futzed and futzed and futzed.
For Otto Titsling had found his quest:
to lift and mold the female breast;
to point the small ones to the sky;
to keep the big ones high and dry!
Every night he'd sweat and snort
searching for the right support.
He tried some string and paper clips.
Hey! He even tried his own two lips!
Well, he stitched and he slaved
and he slaved and he stitched
until finally one night, in
the wee hours of morning,
Otto arose from his
workbench triumphant.
Yes! He had invented the worlds first
over the shoulder boulder holder.
Hooray!
E hausted but ecstatic he ran
down the street to the diva's house
bearing the prototype
in his hot little hand.
Now, the diva did not want
to try the darn thing on.
But, after many initial misgivings,
she finally did.
And the sigh of relief that issued forth
from the diva's mouth
was so loud that it was mistaken by some
to be the early onset
of the Siroccan Winds
which would often roll
through the Schwarzwald
with a vengeance!
Ahhhhh i!
But little did Otto know,
at the moment of his greatest triumph,
lurking under the diva's bed
was none other than the very worst
of the French patent thieves,
Philippe DeBrassiere.
And Phil was watching the scene
with a great deal of interest!
Later that night, while
our Brun Hilda slept,
into the wardrobe Philippe softly crept.
He fumbled through knickers
and corsets galore,
'til he found Otto's titsling
and he ran out the door.
Crying, "Oh, my god!
What joy! What bliss!
I'm gonna make me a million from this!
Every woman in the world
will wanna buy one.
I can have all the goods
manufactured in Taiwan."
The result of this swindle
is pointedly clear:
Do you buy a titsling or
do you buy a brassiere?
