Once Upon a Time, there lived a boy who never aged
He spent his time a-writing fire hooks upon a page
He chilled with those who chilled and weak-ass pussies got the boot
He lined the cat against the walls for all the King's mad men to shoot
Through each hood, he went a-riding, spitting rhymes and nary capping
Notoriously big and bad, it was not your granny rapping
For he'd been to quell the giants who went stalking through the night
His tales were loosey-goosey, but his bars were f*****g tight!
I got a ticket to vacation, I'm a taxi cab
I can offer you a paradise this planet can't
I'm crossing a couple stars on my travel plan
Grab my hand, you can say I'm moonwalking to Neverland
So pipe down or you're catching the smoke
If you wanna settle beef go to Cannibal Cove
Bitch, I run this motherfucker from the land to the coast
Sea kings only living where my Shadow is thrown
I'm an honest guy, but I lie to the crooks
I don't book a flight, I just fly out the books
I don't give a s**t what your parents have cooked
I got bigger fish to fry, the way Pan's leaving Hooks (yeah!)
Y'all got all your friendships wrecked with your nine to five
I got friends ship-wrecking when I fight with pirates
I'm not built for a Driver's License
I built up my own f*****g Private Island, yeah
Bangarang, Captain Hook! Black mustache with a dapper look
I'm the feather in the cap of the seven seas
And you wouldn't have a hook if you didn't have me
I'm the Brooklyn Dodgers of open waters
The roger waters of Jolly Rogers
Fly as Tinker Bell when I'm dropping sail
Making other pirates flows sound like Speak n' Spell
And I'm Bangarang, Captain Hook! Top chap in my whole pack of crooks
The chapter book king backed by Mr. Smee
And you wouldn't have a hook if you didn't have me
Peter Pan went and fed my severed hand
To TikTok the Croc down in Neverland
And I'm foiled again, I'm getting Lost Boys, peace!
But you wouldn't have a hook if you didn't have me!
Hmm, eh, heh heh
Fe-fi-fo-fuck
I smell the flow of a thief you all know and whose green only goes up
Putting seeds in a foe's mum, 'cause that means I'm a grower
Have her leaving with rope burn
Poster-boy of most certainly being misjudged
Had a cow but I sold her for some worthless beans
I was down till a burglary and a murder had
Turned me from porn to a rich c**t
I sling rhymes that have a Goliath beat
Since I swiped the kinder surprise egg clean
From that giant's miserable sky palace
You might like to call it a hijacking
Time is ticking, on this mic I'm riffing
Like a harp, even with my arms tied I'm spitting
Goodbye good riddance, took five of these beans
And I got high but it's not I who's tripping
Honk, honk, hear the goose come
Stepping into the booth give em goosebumps
Leave 'em in the trash chute like Veruca
Don't mess with feathered veteran with the bread
Or you're going to get chews up
By the Golden Goose bruh, cash in the coop ya
Make appearances, everything I lay down's 24 carat
It's all on my bill, see your net worth is less than this bird
That's embarrassing, gander at the Gander
I'm the fowl minded Midas, so mind your manners
That brand name I'm hyping, don't hide the glamour
So far from untitled, this game I slander
Bring in the flock and that honking's your doom
With every drop I bring Stonks to the moon
A different league then some other ducking Scrooge
Original G, that's motherfucking Goose!
Running through the woods in a bright red hood
Senses no danger, not when he grabbed me
Little me understood, not the likelihood of
This stranger eating up granny, never trust a wolf making conversation
Canine more like bull, with an off fixation
Not one to get full, hungry inclination
I walked in and thought, illness must be raging
Cause what big arms, big ears, big eyes, big teeth
House seemed calm, but what lied in sheets
Was the wolf in the place of his last big feast
At the time I couldn't see who was underneath
So I came just a little bit closer
Big mistake! no escape from the poser
Got an eyeful of his blinding molars
Little Riding Hood, just Red leftover (oh)
Just Red leftover from this master of disguise
I ain't paying for this meal like my card has been declined
He's the lone wolf, got no partner in this crime
Antisocial, hear no bark but I'mma bite!
Apex predator, beast in your gran's sheet
I'm too greedy I need seconds, I feast, will these peeps ever learn?
Peak at the teeth, fleek to the feet, got the claws pedicured
What big fangs? Just to kill you all the better, bruh!
I'm the type of villain that's quite rare
The kind the parents read and give their little kids nightmare
A sneaky motherfucker, don't fight fair
Wherever they least expect me, bitch, I'm right there!
Turn your crib into my lair!
Nah, I never hunt in packs!
I'm the Alpha, coming with a cunning plan!
When the teeth gleam at you, that's a muzzle flash!
And I could cut you down to size like a lumberjack bitch!
Hola! Here comes the Puss in Boots, You losin' fools
I make a track sound good call me Fruity Loops
Yeah, I seduce with my looks and I look really cute
See I'm rolling with the fur but without the suit
Ole, soy de los mejores y si no lo ves es
Porque eres más ciego que ese trío de ratones
With the sword? Good, With the words? Flawless
So much I can make an ogre look smaller
Like damn bro! Spitting so sick like hairballs
Gato por fuera, Zorro por dentro, tengo alma de bandido
Mi encanto de banderas keeps my red flags low
When you poor gotta work, gotta hustle
That way I made my G be the king of the castle
Yeah and the truth is, you know how the Puss is
Didn't form a family, still got lot of pussies (purr)
Poster on the wall, you know it's me
The yolked Goat of old folk poetry
I suppose if the question is who's the best tale
Then you best tell them not to step on the egg shell
'Cause any rapper who puts their verse before mine's
About to see there's more to me than just a nursery rhyme
I mean there's only so much pressure one man can handle
Before his brain gets, let's say scrambled
Got the type of s**t to light up your lyres quick
Old school every rhyme of mine inscribed in Papyrus
If you don't vibe with it, take a dive off the highest bricks
'Cause I'm giving no fucks, like the tip of a Friar's d**k
See, now crime is the life I live ever since puss abandoned me
Fostered the name and the fame with no family
So call the King's horses and gather his men
Tell him Humpty is back and he's cracked once again
You know, it's very rude to sit down at someone's cypher uninvited
No matter! Here comes the Hatter!
Never been so silly a milliner and habitual picnicker
I'm like crumpets and cricket but just a smidgeon more Britisher
Young Flibbertigibbet, we aren't given to visitors
So just sit in the middle as I am spilling my riddles
And sipping a little with a platter of
Some shrinking or beginning nibbles
Oh! My sanity's a drink in a thimble!
You know you really do talk too much, Move round!
You're crazy if you don't think I rhyme the best
'Cause I'm raving when I'm up at the writing desk
You say curiouser and curiouser, I'd say I'm mercurial
(That just means his mind's a mess!)
So you can call me Mr. Tea! (very rude)
You can quit your jibber-jabberwocky
He miss you're dreaming if you think that you could have a coffee
This table-setting is a place to be
It's a very merry un-birthday for me!
Oh hello, don't worry, you're not in danger
I may be a stranger but you're even stranger
In case you forget, here's a basic refresher
One, I'm a cat, two, I came here from Cheshire
It's a great pleasure making your acquaintance
Queer conversation is the quaintest entertainment
Come to Wonderland and you'll understand
That it's enlightening under thunderclouds
Enter with trepidation, a step at a time
I don't require trepanation to open your mind
Let's take a look inside, that could be fun
Strange, you've gone oddly quiet? Cat got your tongue?
My teeth aren't jacked, I'm just dentally built
Where's the line between ingenious and mentally ill
When you get defensive then you tend to reveal
Your intentions that's why I never pretend to be real
Skin getting thinner until I'm hidden
Invisible apart from the glowing grin on my grill
Still deliver riddlin' we if it's medicine for fidgeting
You don't want to hear the conspiracies I'm complicit in
The mystery is viscous the way it's thickening
Do you know who I am? Hint, it isn't Ronnie Pickering
Picking your mind like I'm sticking it in brine
Rewind, see how many hidden messages you find
