Alice's Restaurant

This song is called

Alice's Restaurant

and it's 'bout Alice

And the taurant

Alice's restaurant

is not the name of the restaurant

That's the name

of song

why I called the song

Alirant

You can get

anything you want

at Alice's Restaurant

You can get

anything you want

at Alice's Restaurant

Walk right in

it's around the back

Just a half a mile

from the railroad track

You can get

anything you want

at Alice's Restaurant

it all starstar-

two Thanksgivings ago

Was on two years go

on Thanksgiving

when my friend and I

Went up to visit Alice

the restaurant but

Alice doesn't live in

the restaurant she

lives in the church nearby

The restaurant in the belltower

with her husband Ray and

Fasha the dog and

livin' in the bell tower like

that a lot

Of room downstairs where the

pews used to be and

Havin' all that room

seein' as how

they out all the pews

They decided that they

didn't to take

out their garbage

for a long time

We got up there

We found all the garbage

in there and we

decided it'd be a

friendly gesture for us

to take the garbage down

To the city dump

So we took

ton of gargar-

in the back

of a red VW crobus

Took shoand rakes and

implements destruction and

Headed on toward

ty dump

Well we got there

and there was a big sign

and a chain across the dump

saying

"closed on Thanksgiving"

We had never heard of a dump

closed on Thanksgiving

before and with

tears in our eyes we drove off

set looking for a

Another place

gargar-

We didn't find one

'Till we came side

and side

of the side road

there was another fifteen

foot cliff and

At bottom of cliff

there was ather pile

of garbage and

we cided that one pile is

than two lipiles and

Rathan bring that one up

we decided to throw ours down

what we did

Drove back the church

had a Thanksdinner

dn't be

beat went to sleep and

get up til the next morning

when we got a phone call

from officer Obie

said kid

found your name on

an envelope bottom

of ab' a half a

ton of garbage and

Just wanted to know if you

had any information about it

And I said yes Sir officer Obie

cannot tell a lie

I put that envelope

under that garbage

speaking to him for about

fortyfive minutes on

the telephone

we finally arrived truth

of the matter and said

We had go down and

pick up the garbage and

And also had to go down

and speak to him at

police cer's stasta-

So we got in the red

VW microbus with the

shovels and rakes

and implements of truction

and heaon

Toward the police

otion

Now friends, there was only

one or two things

that Ocoulda done

At police station

and first was

given us

a medal being brave

and honest on the telephone

Which wasn't very likely

didn't exit

And the other thing was

that he coulda bawled us

out and told us nene-

be see driving gargar-

around the vicinity again

is what we exex-

but when got the

police ostation

There was a third

pobility that we hadn't

ven counted upon and

we was both

immediately arrested

Handcuffed and I said Obie

I don't think I

the garwith

these handcuffs on

He said shut up kid

Get in the back

patrol car

And that's what we did

we sat in the back

patrol car and drove

To quote "Scene of

the Crime" unquote

I want tell you aa-

town of

Stockbridge Massachuchu-

this happened here

They got three stop signs

Two police offiand one

police car but when we

to the "Scene of the Crime"

There was five police officers

and three police cars

Being biggest crime

the last ty years and

everybody wanted to get

The newsstory about it

and they was using up

all kinds of

cop ment

they had hangin' around

The police stasta-

They was taking

plaster tire tracks

foot prints dog smelling prints

They took twenty seven

Eightbyten color gloglo-

photographs circles

and arrows and a

paragraph the back

each one explaining

What each one was

be used

evidence against us

Took approach

the getaway

The northwest corner

the southwest corner

And that's

not to mention

the aetography

After the ordeal

we went back jail

Obie said he was gonna

put us in the cell

said kid I'm gonna

Put you in cell

I want your wallet

And I said Obie

I can understand you

Wanting my wallet

so I don't have

any money to spend

in the cell but

do you want my belt for?

And he said kid

we don't want any hangings

said Obie did think I

was gonna hang

myself for tterin'?

Osaid he was

making sure and

friends Obie was

he took out the toilet seat

so I couldn't hit myself

Othe head and drown

And he took out

the toilet per so

I bend

bars roll out

The roll the toilet

paper out the winwin-

Slide down the roll

and have an escape

Obie was masure

And it was about

four or five hours later

that Alice

Remember Alice?

bout Alice

Alice came by and a few

naswords to Obie on the side

bailed us out of jail and

we went back church

another Thanksgiving

Dinner that couldn't be beat

and we didn't get up

til next morning

when we all had to go to court

We walked in, sat down

Obie came in with the twenty

seven eightbyten color

glowith circir-

and arrows and a paragraph

back each one

sat down

Man came in said all rise

we all stood up and

Oup with

The twenty seven eightbyten

color gloand the

judge walked in sat down

with seeing eye dog

and he sat down, we sat down

bie looked at

seeing eye dog

then at the twenty seven

eightbyten color gloglo-

the circles

And arrows and a paragraph

back one

And looked at the

seeing eye dog

And then at twenty

seven eightbyten

color gloglo-

cirand arrows

and a paragraph the back

Of each one and gan to cry

'cos Obie came to

the realization that

it was a typical case of

american blind jusjus-

And there wawa-

thing he could do about it

And the judge sn't

going to look at the twenty

seven eightbyten color

Glossy tures with

cirand arrows

paragraph on the back

of each one explaining what

each one was be used

As evidence against us

We was fined

dollars and had to

pick up the gargar-

in the snow but

That's not what I came

tell you about

Came to talk about the draft

got a building

down in New York City

It's called Whitehall

where you walk in

you get injected

Inspected detected infected

neglected and selected

I went down

my physical xamination

one day and I walked in

I sat down, got good and

drunk the night before

So I looked and felt my best

when I went in that morning

I wanted to look the

allAmerican from

New York ty

Man I wanted, I wanted

to feel like the all

I wanted to be

the all-American kid from

New York and I walked in

Sat down I was hung down

brung down hung up and all

kinds o' mean nasty ugly

things and I waked in and

sat down and they

Gave me a

kid

See the psychiaroom

six O four

and I

I went up there

I said shrink

I want to kill

I mean I wanna I wanna kill

kill, I wanna I wanna see

I wanna see blood

and gore and guts

and veins in my teeth

eat dead burnt bodies

I mean kill

Kill, kill, kill

And I started jumpin'

and down yelling kill, kill

And he started jumjum-

and down with me

And we was both jumpin' up

and down yelling kill, kill

And the Sargent came over

pinned a medal on me

sent me down the hall

Said you're our boy

Didn't feel good about it

ceeded on down the hall

gettin' more injections

inspections detections

Neglections and all

kinds of stuff that

they as doin' to me at the

thing there and I was there

for two hours

Three hours, four hours

I was there for

a long time

going through all kinds of

mean nasugly things

And I

just having a tough time

there and they was

insting injecting ee-

single part of me and they

Was leaving no part untouched

ceethrough when I

when I finally came to see the

very last man I walked in

walked in sat down after

A whole big thing there

and I walked up

said what do you want?

He said kid we

only got one question

Have been arrested?

And I proceeded to tell him

story of Alice's

Restaurant Macre with

full orchestration and

five part harmony

And stuff like that and all

the phenome and

stopped right there

and said kid

Did you ever go to court?

proceeded to tell him

the story of twenty

seven eightbyten color

gloglo-

circles arrows

And the paragraph on

back each one

And stopped me right

there and said kid

I want to go and

sit down on bench

says Group W

now kid

And I I walked over

the bench there and there is

is group W's where

where put you

if you may not be moral enough

To, to join the army

after committin' your

cial crime and

there was all kinds

of mean nasty ugly

king people on

the bench there and there's

mother rapers

fastabbers

father rapers

Father rapers sitting right

there on the bench

next to me and one

they was mean and nasty

and ugly and horrible

Crimetype guys sitting there

on bench

And the meanest

ugliest nastiest one

the meanest father raper

Of them all

was coming oto me

and he was mean 'n'

ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible

and all kind things

he sat down next

to me and kid

ya get?

I didn't get nothing

I had pay ty dollars and

gargar-

said what were

you arrested for kid?

And I litterin'

and they all moved away

from me on the bench

there and the hairy eyeball

and all kinds of mean

Nasthings 'till I said and

creating a nuisance

And they all came back

shook my hand

had a great time

On the bench

talkin' about crime mother

stafather raping

all kinds of groothings

that we was talabout

On the bench

and ething was fine

We was smokin' cigarettes

and all kinds of things until

the Sargent came over

Had some paper in his hand

held up said kids

This piece of paper's

got forty seven words

thirtyseven sententen-

ftyeight words we wanna

know details of the crime time

of the crime and any other

kind thing you gotta

pertaining to and about

The crime I want to know

arresting officer's name

and any other kind of thing

you gotta say and talked

for fortyfive minutes

And nobody understood

a word that he said but

we had fun filling out

forms and playing

penon the bench there

And I filled out the massacre

with the four part harmony and

Wrote it down there like it

was and everything was

fine and I

Put down the cil and I

turned over the piece

paper and there

then on the other side

In the middle of the other side

Away from everything else

on the other side

In parenses

Capital letters

Quotated

following words

Kid

Have you

rehabilitated self?

I went over Sargent

Sargent you

Lot a damn gall to ask me

if I've rehabitated myself

I mean

I mean, I mean that just

I'm sittin' here on the bench

I mean sittin' here

on the Group W bench

'Cos you want to know if

I'm moral enough join the

Army burn women kids

houses and villalla-

ter bein' a litterbug, mmm?

He looked at me and said kid

we don't like your kind

And we're gonna

send you fingerprints off

to Washington and friends

Somewhere in Waton

enshrined in

Some little folder is

study in black and white

my fingerprints

and the only reason I'm

singing you song now

'cos you may know

somebody in a similar situation

Or you may be in similar

ation and if your in a

tuation like that

There's only one thing

you can do and that's

walk inthe shrink

wherever you are

just walk in say shrink

You can get anything you want

at Alice's Restaurant

and walk out

You know if one perper-

just one person does it

they may think he's really sick

and they won't take him

And if two people

two people do it

in harmony

They may think

both faand

They won't take either of them

And if three people do it

Three can you imagine three

peowalking in singin'

a bar of Alice's Restaurant

and walking out, they may think

it's an organition

And can you, can you

imagine fifty people a day

I said fifpeople day

walking in singin'

a bar of Alice's Restaurant

And walking out

and friends they may

think movement

And that's what it is

Alice's Restaurant

AntiMassacree movement

and all you got to do to join

is to sing it the next time

it come's around on guitar

with feeling

So we'll wait for it to

come around on guitar here

sing it when it does

Here it comes

You can get

anything you want

at Alice's Restaurant

You can get

anything you want

at Alice's Restaurant

Walk right in

it's around the back

Just a half a mile

from the railroad track

You can get

anything you want

at Alice's Restaurant

That was horrible

If you want to end war

stuff you got to sing loud

You can put it loud

singing this song now

twenty five minutes and

could sing it for

ather twenty five minutes

I'm not proud

or tired

So we'll wait 'till it

comes around again and

time with four

part harmony and feeling

We're waitin' for it

to come around

that's what we're doing

All right now

You can get

anything you want

at Alice's Restaurant

excepting Alice

You can get

anything you want

at Alice's Restaurant

I said walk right in

it's around the back

Just a half a mile

from the railroad track

You can get

anything you want

at Alice's Restaurant

Dada dada dada dadum

at Alice's Restaurant