Now my parents want me to get an arranged marriage.
It's done. No more fun times for Khabeezy.
For some of you...
For some of you that does not know what an arranged marriage is,
that's where a guy's dad calls the girl's dad
and they just get them married without even meeting.
Boom, done.
I thought that was an awful idea until I saw my cousin's wife.
Holy shit, she is hot.
My cousin, on the other hand, looks like something out of Narnia.
He's the most unattractive person I've ever met.
I saw them together. I was like, holy shit, sign me up.
Let's do this shit, right?
Fellas, if you think arranged marriage is a bad idea,
think about how cool it could be in America. Think about it.
You're at a club. You go up to the hottest girl in the club.
You're like, hey, baby, you wanna dance?
She's like, uh, no.
Then you can say, uh, well, too bad, bitch.
My dad talked to your dad, and guess what? We're dancing.
You know what I'm saying?
I sent you an e -mail.
And it's official.
I just got back from doing my tour of the UK, which is great,
which is fun. You know, they put me...
No, no need to clap. Don't worry about it.
They don't like Americans.
They think Americans are stupid in the UK.
And we're not, okay?
But I am, so I was a terrible example for this country.
Right?
I was doing, like, large theater shows,
so they had to put me on morning shows,
like panel shows where people would ask comics things,
and we had to be funny.
So I was on the big one in the morning,
and let's be honest, I'm ready to do some Kardashian jokes.
And they started asking me real shit about the world.
And I'm stupid, like I just said.
So I'm ready to go. The guy's like,
so, Mr. Singh, you're from America.
I'm like, yes, here we go, man, about to fucking drop some jokes.
He's like, so how do you feel about America
owing China billions of dollars
and them messing up their currency to keep it low for trade?
What?
I was all like, uh,
Kim Kardashian has a big old butt, right?
Ah, shit, that wasn't the answer, was it?
What's currency?
