I live in LA now, it's awful.
You ever drive in LA with the traffic?
Right when I moved in, I had my first gig.
I put in the address of my navigation system.
It said, you're 1 .2 miles away.
Estimated time of arrival, Thursday.
Really?
Fucking Thursday?
Thursday.
How is that even possible, Thursday?
I can run faster than that shit.
Still worst city to drive in is San Francisco.
Still worst city to drive in with those one -way streets.
Whose idea was that?
Right, you get on a street, you can't take a right,
you can't take a left, you can't turn around.
It's a goddamn train track, right?
Seriously, San Francisco is the only city in the world
where you miss your turn, you're fucked for 45 minutes.
You're done.
You're done.
You miss your turn, your night is done.
You're canceling plans.
Looks like I'm not gonna make it.
What happened, bro?
Oh, I missed my turn and now I'm in fucking Pacifica.
That's what happened.
That is what happened.
Never invite me here again, that is what happened.
Driving already sucks.
Has anyone ever followed the wrong car?
For like a long -ass time?
I did it recently and it hurt.
I jumped in my car, my friend left,
and I'm following a goddamn stranger for 30 minutes.
Like, I am tailgating this guy.
I am two feet away from this stranger's bumper
for 30 minutes.
Finally, this guy got pissed off, pulled over,
get out the car, he's like,
hey, what do you think you're doing?
I got out of my car, I'm like, who the fuck are you?
Where's Jason?
Right?
Why are we in Vallejo?
And then he got mad at me, he's like,
cause I live in Vallejo and you can get back in your car
and drive back to Fremont, bitch.
Really, Fremont?
That's racist.
That is racist.
I wanted to say something back to him,
but I couldn't cause I'm from Fremont, so.
I was like, whatever, bro, you don't know me.
Where's 680?
Getting out of here.
Yeah, man, driving sucks.
Don't report drunk drivers either, man, don't do it.
I reported a drunk driver once and it backfired on me.
I swear to God, I was driving,
this car in front of me was going nuts.
I thought to myself, I better report this drunk driver.
But I don't want to jump to any conclusions
cause he could've just been Asian,
you know what I'm saying?
But then I thought to myself,
what if he's drunk and Asian?
And we need to get this guy off the road.
So I sprung into action, I whipped out my cell phone
like a goddamn American hero.
Called 911 and I got pulled over
for using the fucking phone in my car.
Which is bullshit.
Drinking and driving's not a joke, man.
I remember one time I was driving in the car
with my mom, I saw a sign that said,
buzz driving is drunk driving.
Report drunk drivers.
So I turned to my mom and said,
well, it's a good thing it says nothing
about being shit -faced, you know what I'm saying?
She's like, what is this shit -face?
Why would you want shit on your face?
What are you, gay, huh?
Tell me!
What are you talking about?
You're just nuts is what you are, mom.
She's lost it.
She's crazy, man.
