(Boyfriend)
Wooow, your family’s private jet rocks!
Even the seats are comfy!
(Girlfriend)
The comfiest!
Mom picked ‘em out personally.
(Mommy Mearest)
What can I say?
Mother knows best.
(Daddy Dearest)
And I painted the plane.
(Boyfriend)
Never would’ve guessed.
Where are we headed, anyway?
(Mommy Mearest)
We figured we’d invite
you both to our favorite Spa!
It’s the only one that knows
How to treat demon skin!
(Daddy Dearest)
In fact, we’re almost there!
(Boyfriend)
Huh?
But we’re flyin’ over the
middle of nowhere!
(Henchmen)
GOIN’ DOWN.
(Daddy Dearest)
Ah, here we go.
(Boyfriend)
AAAUGH! WHAT THAT PILOT DOING?
WE’RE GONNA CRASH!
(Daddy Dearest)
Just sit tight and enjoy the ride,
And all my er,
Your troubles’ll soon be over.
(Boyfriend)
Forget that!
C’mon The Girlfriend,
we gotta get outta here!
(Girlfriend)
Huh?!
(Boyfriend)
Quick! Open your parachute!
Now for mine!
AAAAAUGH!
EEEUGH….
Chck Chck
(Tankman)
Hey, this is a warzone!
Babies not allowed!
Wait, we’re on .
Larger, uglier babies allowed!
Dig that stereo, though.
Bet movies would sound great on it.
And that mic…
You a singer or somethin’?
(Boyfriend)
Singing is literally my entire life.
(Tankman)
And what do you do?
(Girlfriend)
I move my head to the beat!
(Tankman)
Sounds reeal helpful.
Y’know, normally, We’d just
Kill you for intruding, but…
What the hell,
It's been a boring day...
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT!
Better sing real pretty, bud!
I could crush your bodies
just like bugs!
But then there'd be so much blood!
Cleaning up would be…
UGH…
(Boyfriend)
No need to get so intense!
Neither of us wanted to drop by!
Doesn't really make much sense
Sentencing us to die!
(Tankman)
Honestly,
it’s soundin’ pretty tempting,
Don’t know if I wanna hear
That cringe Elmo voice
Singin’ back for si minutes,
If your rhymes ain't fire,
Your toast! That clear?
(Boyfriend)
If sick burns
Are really what you're after
You've held up the perfect team!
I spent years perfecting my craft,
While you Tankmen goofed off,
Couldn't even make the Marines!
(Tankman)
Raggin on the tank?
Not that wise a start,
When it’s aimed your way!
Man, you got some cojones!
I hope you’re not a one trick pony!
(Boyfriend)
You have no idea
What I’ve gotten through!
You might sing real tough,
But I’ve outperformed tougher than you!
(Tankman)
You think you’re tough?
Bout time you learned!
Real men ain’t fazed by
Crappy Kidz Bop burns!
Try not sucking on your ne t turn!
(Boyfriend)
Just warming up!
Can’t do my worst
Til I learn how
I can hit you where it hurts!
(Tankman)
Let me show you how it’s done!
Don’t know why you’re lookin’
So damn smug
when you’re standin’
Four foot one
Bet you’re short there too…
UGH...
(Boyfriend)
Gonna hit beneath the belt
Tradin’ inappropriate zingers?
I bet all you’ve ever felt’s
Your own Salad Fingers!
(Tankman)
I got standards, man!
Take a look at yours! ,
(UGH…)
Dating a teen
With the brains of a door
While I rule the Tankmen
Patrolling this wasteland
Bein’ awesome, conquering every war!
(Boyfriend)
Don’t insult Girlfriend!
She’s the world to me!
When I kiss her,
No thoughts, head empty
You raise your turret
To blow grunts away
Cos you can’t have
What comes to us naturally!
(Tankman)
If I give up, my whole team’ll perish!
They need me to lead the rush!
True bonds shared by men
Hold up far stronger than
Two dumb hormonal
Teenagers with a crush!
(Boyfriend)
We’ve survived a creepy lemon monster
And eachothers’ bad decisions
And, even though
It might make our lives tougher,
We’re together, drop your derision, man!
(Tankman)
That’s real cute, but cute stuff’s lame!
Makes me wanna block it
With earplugs
Up the rating on this game!
These verses have been…
UGH...
(Boyfriend)
You just can’t admit I won!
Can’t split us apart
With those weak threats!
Keep on wavin’ round those guns
I ain’t goin’ down yet!
(Tankman)
Hah!
Pretty tight bars for a
little dude who's simping over an
Ugly, boring, little teenager
that wears her mom's clothes!
But bars can only get ya so far.
When funny rapping fails....
Chck Chck
That’s what these babies are for.
(Boyfriend)
Whoa maybe actually
don't wave that around?
(Tankman)
Rela , the safety’s on!
BANG
...now.
(Boyfriend)
Please put that away
while we're singing.
(Tankman)
Fine…
But you really oughta understand
why guns get my turret risin'.
Consider this basic training...
If you live long enough to join us.
Now the most important thing
about guns is have one!
Never give it up, soldier!
the second most important thing
is proper handling and marksmanship,
but that's a bit advanced
for you right now,
so let's just sing about ‘em instead.
On the field, it’s a bitter,
cold and brutal warzone!
Things’ll turn out bad
if you’re left defenseless, buddy!
(Boyfriend)
Nerves are steeled!
Did you really think
I’d leave myself prone
when my girlfriend’s dad
has a target painted on me?
(Tankman)
Ah! So you’ve got
a devoted captain huntin’ you too?
Tryin’ real hard to
sink your hopes of
gettin’ funky
all night long with your date?
(Boyfriend)
Yeah…but I just
hold him back with rappin,
wouldn’t do much
good shooting up the
guy who keeps my
girlfriend housed and
kept in good funkin’ shape!
(Tankman)
Hey, ya know, don’t
gotta shoot him down
there’s more than one way
you can win the battle!
(Boyfriend)
What? No way!
(Tankman)
Snipers strike fear
with a single round
aimed where the sun don’t shine
and leave ‘em all rattled!
(Boyfriend)
Shooting him there
would just be unsightly
he’d be madder than he is already!
Even if it would affect him slightly,
wouldn’t be able to
keep my aim steady!
(Tankman)
That’s why you
gotta learn bout usin guns!
Who knows when you’ll need to fire?
And if you’re gonna
learn how to fire one
might as well wear the proper attire!
(Boyfriend)
Think I’ll pass, pal!
Haven’t faced anything
I couldn’t overcome
singing til things worked out nicely!
Opening fire sounds
reckless and dumb
and assault gear’s really pricey!
(Tankman)
That’s the fun part of
fighting in this war!
Nothing else left
to spend our cash on!
Loaded with weapons,
armor, food and more!
Everybody gets a ration!
(Boyfriend)
Got it now!
You care lots about your team!
Want ‘em to be
safe and sound, clearly!
Ready to fight, a
well oiled machine
that’s why you love
guns so dearly!
(Tankman)
Are you callin’ me a softie?
Those guys are just cannon fodder!
If I let them all die,
no one would cover me!
Otherwise, why would I bother?
(Boyfriend)
But doesn’t that
mean that somewhere
in your heart past
pain and panic
much as you might deny,
hidden, deep down in there
there’s a passion that’s Titanic
(Tankman)
Heh, you got me there!
Love the whole second half
of that movie, it’s thrilling!
‘specifically the part where
the iceberg hits the ship and
there’s hundreds of onscreen killings!
Shame a few of the lifeboats
manage to steer away
and save the snobs fleein’
always wondered
what it’d be like
if I willed myself
there to intervene…
(Boyfriend)
Wait a second, what?
We were just talkin about
emotions and duty
thought we were gonna
have a breakthrough
now you’re just talking
about a movie?
Why don’t we
just step back and try this again
cos I know
You’re more than a gun!
Even if
you don’t care ‘bout most ‘of em,
bet you’re still
lookin out for someone!
(Tankman)
Stop tryin’ to be my therapist!
Anyway, where was I? Oh right!
I’d set up a big iceberg tank and
shoot down fleeing
lifeboats all night!
And it would fire smaller icebergs
that make the boats sink,
drown out their screamin’
then I’d go back home,
eat some food and
think up more strategies
while I’m dreamin!
(Boyfriend)
How does that connect to anything?
You’re goin’ the wrong direction!
This part was gonna be the clima ,
with a meaningful connection!
I gave you such a perfect setup
to make your love of guns
mean somethin’ more!
But you tossed it away to
give movies that were just fine
e tra deaths and war!
(Tankman)
Told ya, kid, I’m fine,
soundin’ like a creep
coulda learned to shoot things,
but you kept debating!
If you were smart,
you’d have gone
“beep boop beep
that’d be funny,
instead of grating!
But don’t worry,
you’ll learn a bunch real fast
face so full of lead,
you’ll need a mask
you’ll look like Darkman,
from your head to hips!
Just try kissin’
your girl without lips!
(Boyfriend)
Wait up! Hold your fire!
Got me thinkin’
movies are how you’re
speakin’ your thoughts through!
Like the titanic,
your life is sinkin’
and you don’t want
anyone to save you!
So you hold it in,
shooting folks to bits
who might make you
ree amine it
leave them terrified,
focused on their pain
so nobody
bugs you ‘bout your brain!
(Tankman)
Kid, that’s…
Totally wrong! Hahahaha!
(Steve)
Hey, maybe this kid would suck less
If you told him your
Actual problem, sir!
(Tankman)
God funking damn it Steve
I just wanted to rap about
Guns and Movies.
But this twerp had to make
everything all emotional
and metaphorical
and “advertiser friendly .
Well, let's see how emotional
you are once we
waste your girlfriend!
Men, prepare to fire!
Chck Chck
Any last words?
(Girlfriend)
Up.
(Steve and Tankmen 1)
Huh? Up?
UAAAAHHH!
(Girlfriend)
Down.
(Steve and Tankmen 1)
UGH!
(Girlfriend)
Left.
(Steve and Tankmen 1)
AAAAHHHH!
(Girlfriend)
Right.
(Steve and Tankmen 1)
WHOOOOAAAAA!
(Girlfriend)
Whew…That’s how you do it...
(Boyfriend)
What is happening and
Why is it hot.
(Tankman)
Oh no, two men down.
I only have
500,000,000 more.
Everyone else, prepare to fire!
Chck Chck
(Girlfriend)
Uh Oh...
(Boyfriend)
Gotcha!
Yo, Pico! What’re you doin’ here?
(Pico)
Savin’ Your Bacon.
And, uh, I’m contractually
Obligated to save hers.
(Tankman)
Hey, great idea.
Send the ginger with PTSD
into a warzone where he can
watch everyone he cares about
die all over again!
(Steve)
Sir! I’m okay sir AUGH!
(Tankman)
STEVE!
Allright, that’s it.
LET’S ROCK, YA LITTLE RUNTS!
record scratch
...Oh Funk Off, .
Go on, slaughter men like cattle
with your merc
it doesn’t mean squat!
This is your first big boy battle,
you’re about to lose a whole lot!
(Boyfriend)
Didn’t count on Pico bustin’ caps
but hey, I’m glad he made it!
Even up the playing field to
rap so hard your pride gets faded!
(Tankman)
Think you got the
rhymes to claim a victory?
You might think your lines are
pretty hard but no one here
gets hard as me!
(Boyfriend)
Man, you’re history!
Guess you haven’t noticed
this fight’s two on one!
Got my girlfriend
right here in my arms
(Boyfriend and Girlfriend)
Give up, man, we can’t be outdone!
(Girlfriend)
Dirty jokes can’t beat a duet!
(Tankman)
Wow, you’re singing
lines together
what a game changer,
twice the chance to fail!
(Boyfriend)
We’re in sync,
c’mon, do better,
all of your burns are
gettin’ really stale!
(Girlfriend)
Ain’t seen nothin’ yet!
(Tankman)
Are we actually
gonna fight right now?
Not even tryin’,
this ain’t worth my best!
Won fights before,
(Boyfriend)
C’mon, take your
best shot right now
Me and my
girlfriend can pass any test!
(Tankman)
but can you win the war?
You don’t understand the kind of
stress this army job will give ya!
Another day, another death,
and ya wonder who’s
gonna outlive ya!
(Boyfriend)
Just tryin’ to date The Girlfriend’s
deadlier than all your lackeys
the second I think
I can breathe again,
someone with a grudge
attacks me!
(Tankman)
They’re not the ones
that I worry ‘bout
it’s the enemy fighters on my tail
one by one,
they could wipe us all out
leaving nothing but a blood trail!
(Boyfriend)
‘Least everyone
tryna off your crew
looks kinda the same,
easy to know
who’s a passerby and
who’s a threat to you
anyone could be my greatest foe...
(Tankman)
That’s the part that
makes me stress out
most of them are chill and tired
(Boyfriend)
Wait, what?
(Tankman)
but if just one troop
got left out from
our titanic based cease fire…
Yeah… yup… right… true… huh!
Pretty good!
(Boyfriend)
So you mean…
if one missed the
order out there
they’d still think that
you were fighting
any one of them anywhere
could, without warning,
strike like lighting?
(Boyfriend and Girlfriend)
Never a second of respite
prepared at all times to fight!
(Tankman)
Never a second
I don’t wanna shoot ‘em all
but then just like before
bye Titanic, hello Tank War…
(Boyfriend)
I’ll be real,
sounds like your life is misery
even when folks try to
take me out, we just sing,
they never jump me!
(Boyfriend and Girlfriend)
How can we help?
(Tankman)
There you go,
you unlocked my story
Doesn’t it make you feel dandy
sucking away on my
terror and lost glory
like a yummy piece of
rock hard candy?
(Boyfriend)
Isn’t there something
you could whip up
that would help make sure
everyone knows
you paused your war and
you don’t wanna slip up
so you get to chill for real
watchin’ your show?
(Tankman)
Oh, did you really think
that would help me?
I don’t trust any of
them to play fair!
I got their favorite half
of the movie!
Disc 1’s sitting right in
storage over there!
(Boyfriend)
Ever think your whole truce
might just slip
if all it takes to break is
one dumb disc
probly should build a way
stronger friendship
if you really wanna
drop the fighting risk
(Tankman)
And you lost me,
God, that’s so weak
(Boyfriend and Girlfriend)
Oh dear…seems clear…
(Tankman)
I’m not gonna
make amends like some soft freak!
The second they see
an easy mark,
they’ll set me up,
grab the disc once it gets dark!
(Tankman and Boyfriend)
Nothing to do, stuck in stalemate
keeping the worse half of the flick
just to placate
knowing if they had it again
ceasefire’s dead,
and so are a million Tankmen!
(Boyfriend)
Can’t give up now!
(Tankman)
Might as well just give up
You ain’t gonna solve this
all we did was dig up
my annoying crisis
(Boyfriend)
Gotta end with somethin!
Sittin’ out here stranded!
Think I’m gonna jump in
leave you empty handed?
Fi this somehow!
(Tankman)
Face it kid, you lost, no easy out
not all problems
compliment your singin’ clout!
(Boyfriend)
C’mon, think fast Boyfriend,
song is ending!
These things always
wrap with a befriending!
