[MRS. LOVETT]

Seems a downright shame

[TODD]

Shame?

[MRS. LOVETT]

Seems an awful waste

Such a nice plump frame

What's his name has… had… has

Nor he can't be traced

Business needs a lift

Debts to be erased

Think of it as thrift

As a gift

If you get my drift

No?

Seems an awful waste

I mean, with the price of meat

What it is

When you get it

If you get it

[TODD]

Ha!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Good, you got it

Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop

Business never better, using only pussycats and toast

And a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most

And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste

[TODD]

Mrs. Lovett

What a charming notion

Eminently practical(Well, it does seem a waste)

And yet appropriate as always

Mrs. Lovett

How I've lived without you all these years

I'll never know

How delectable(Think about it, lots of other gentlemen'll)

Also undetectable(soon be comin' for a shave, won't they?)

(Think about it!)How choice

How rare

[LOVETT]

Think of All them Pies

[TODD]

For what's the sound of the world out there

[MRS. LOVETT]

What, Mr. Todd

What, Mr. Todd

What is that sound

[TODD]

Those crunching noises pervading the air

[MRS. LOVETT]

Yes, Mr. Todd!

Yes, Mr. Todd!

Yes, all around

[TODD]

It's man devouring man, my dear

[TODD/MRS. LOVETT]

And who are we to deny it in here?

[TODD]

Ah, these are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett. Desperate measure must be taken

[MRS. LOVETT]

Here we are now, hot out of the oven

[TODD]

What is that?

[MRS. LOVETT]

It's priest

Have a little priest

[TODD]

Is it really good?

[MRS. LOVETT]

Sir, it's too good, at least!

Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh

So it's pretty fresh

[TODD]

Awful lot of fat

[MRS. LOVETT]

Only where it sat

[TODD]

Haven't you got poet, or something like that?

[MRS. LOVETT]

No, y'see, the trouble with poet is

How do you know it's deceased?

Try the priest!

[TODD]

Mm, heavenly! Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps, but then not as bland as curate, either!

[MRS. LOVETT]

And good for business, too; always leaves you wantin' more!

Trouble is, we only get it on Sundays!

Lawyer's rather nice

[TODD]

If it's for a price

[MRS. LOVETT]

Order something else, though, to follow

Since no one should swallow it twice!

[TODD]

Have you any Dean?

[MRS. LOVETT]

No, but if you're British and loyal

You might enjoy Royal Marine

Anyway, it's clean

Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been!

[TODD]

Is that squireOn the fire?

[MRS. LOVETT]

Mercy no, sir, look closer You'll notice it's grocer!

[TODD]

Looks thicker More like vicar!

[MRS. LOVETT]

No, it has to be grocer It's green!

[TODD]

The history of the world, my love

[MRS. LOVETT]

Save a lot of graves

Do a lot of relatives favors!

[TODD]

Is those below serving those up above!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Ev'rybody shaves So there should be plenty of flavors!

[TODD]

How gratifying for once to know

[TODD/MRS. LOVETT]

That those above will serve those down below!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Now let's see, here... We've got tinker

[TODD]

Something... pinker

[MRS. LOVETT]

Tailor?

[TODD]

Paler

[MRS. LOVETT]

Potter?

[TODD]

Hotter

[MRS. LOVETT]

Butler?

[TODD]

Subtler

[MRS. LOVETT]

Locksmith?

Lovely bit of clerk

[TODD]

Maybe for a lark

[MRS. LOVETT]

Then again there's sweep If you want it cheap And you like it dark!

Try the financier

Peak of his career!

[TODD]

That looks pretty rank

[MRS. LOVETT]

Well, he drank, It's a bank, Cashier

Last one really sold, wasn't quite so old

[TODD]

Have you any Beadle?

[MRS. LOVETT]

Next week, so I'm told!

Beadle isn't bad till you smell it and

Notice 'ow well it's been greased...

Stick to priest!

(laughing)

Now then, this might be a little bit stringy

But then of course it's... fiddle player!

[TODD]

No, this isn't fiddle player -- it's piccolo player!

[MRS. LOVETT]

How can you tell?

[TODD]

It's piping hot!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Then blow on it first!

[TODD]

The history of the world, my sweet

[MRS. LOVETT]

Oh, Mr. Todd

Ooh, Mr. Todd

What does it tell?

[TODD]

Is who gets eaten, and who gets to eat!

[MRS. LOVETT]

And, Mr. Todd

Too, Mr. Todd

Who gets to sell!

[TODD]

But fortunately, it's also clear

[MRS. LOVETT/TODD]

That ev'rybody goes down well with beer!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Since marine doesn't appeal to you, how about... rear admiral?

[TODD]

Too salty. I prefer general

[MRS. LOVETT]

With, or without his privates?

(laughing)

[TODD]

What is that?

[MRS. LOVETT]

It's fop

Finest in the shop

Or we have some shepherd's pie peppered

With actual shepherd on top!

And I've just begun

Here's the politician, so oily

It's served with a doily

Have one!

[TODD]

Put it on a bun

Well, you never know if it's going to run!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Try the friar, Fried, it's drier!

[TODD]

No, the clergy is really Too coarse and too mealy!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Then actor It's compacter!

[TODD]

Yes and always arrives overdone!

I'll come again when you have judge on the menu

[TODD]

Have charity towards the world, my pet!

[MRS. LOVETT]

Yes, yes, I know, my love!

[TODD]

We'll take the customers that we can get!

[MRS. LOVETT]

High-born and low, my love!

[TODD]

We'll not discriminate great from small!

No, we'll serve anyone

Meaning anyone!

[MRS. LOVETT/TODD]

And to anyone!

At all!