Ricky Tidwell's Mama Is Gonna Play Football

(Tim Wilson/Dean Daugherty)

Ricky Tidwell was a great athlete

He was a big strong boy that was quick on his feet

And every college in the country wanted Ricky on their line

Oh when the scouts came knocking on Ricky's door

They didn't want to talk to young Rick no more

When they saw his mama she's the one they wanted to sign!

She was a long-boned woman, raised on a farm

Had Bear Bryant tattooed on her forearm

She was meaner than hell and ran the 40 in 4.3

She could squat 600 bench press 5(00)

The hands-down meanest homemaker alive

Got a scholarship playing linebacker in the SEC.

Ricky Tidwell's mama is gonna play football

Her real name's Doris but they're gonna call her "Too Tall"

She's got shoulders and a hind end four foot wide

Going to college on a FULL RIDE!

Doris Tidwell's gonna play in the NCAA!

She'd wash all her team mates uniforms

Tucked everybody in in the football dorms

Cooked the game meal, said the Lord's prayer

You're missing a jockstrap? She's got a spare!

Called in the huddle, and called all the plays

The only one tough enough to go both ways

Yeah... A mouth full of mud, scarred up knees

Cussing out the coaches, spittin' on referees!

Ricky Tidwell's mama's gonna play football

Her real name's Doris

But they're gonna call her "Too Tall"

They say she's a fine young man but she's really not

Ricky's mama was the master of the cheap shot

And on the triple-option play she could ruin your day!

She led the team in tackles and the league in sacks

Responsible for killing nine running backs!

But the school's reputation was destroyed

They accused Ricky's mama of steroids! (uh-oh)

Ricky Tidwell's mama's on probation

Now the college is under their eighth investigation.

They wouldn't leave poor Ricky Tidwell's mama alone

She'd been takin' male hormones!

Doris Tidwell's gonna be hell In the NFL!

I got a flagrant personal foul!

#52!

Illegal use of a clothesline!