Greetings

My name's yours

What's alaska

Everybody welcome to the show

The rules of engagement are really quite simple

So if you can pull yourself away from grindr for two seconds

Listen up

The use of flash photography is strictly mandatory

Do you think I look like this just so

I can exist in your feeble memory

Take a picture and I'll last forever

Get your drinks now people

The more you drink the prettier we look

Is this your boyfriend honey

Not anymore

Tipping is compulsory

If you don't know what compulsory means

I'll spell it out for you tip these men

It takes a lot of money to look this cheap darling

Be kind to your entertainers

If you see a flaw squint

If you see a bulge don't be mad

Some of the most beautiful women

In the world have gigantic penises

If you see something you don't like

Something unseemly or offensive

Something vile or disgusting

We'll be happy to take your complaints after the show

At the corner of f**kyouandgof**kyourselfavenuecom

I'll see you there

Bring a sweater

If you think you can do better sweetheart I implore you

Put on a wig and mash your mouth around to

Other people's music for four and a half minutes

It's not as easy as it looks

Do you need a hairpiece

Here you can borrow mine

Show generosity to these monstrosities

Respect kindness compassion

And most of all whenever possible

Tell us we look gorgeous

Tell us we look gorgeous

Tell me I look gorgeous

Do I look gorgeous

Yeah

Okay but how about sexy

Yeah

Okay alright but how about sensual

Yeah

Alright but how about breathtaking geez

Yeah

I swear it's like pulling teeth to get a little tiny

Compliment out of you people

Now let's review everybody

Your makeup is terrible

If you're not wearing nails you're not doing drag

Don't ever touch my hair

Anus

I love your p***y

Give me all your money

Absolutely

Come on nature come on come on buildup okay

Hieeee

Hieeee

Hieeee

Everybody everywhere

Everybody everywhere

Hieeee

Hieeee

Hieeee

Hieeee

Hieeee

Hieeee