I came crawling home last

night, like many nights before:

I finally made it to my feet

as she opened up the door.

And she said, "You're not

gonna do this anymore."

She said: "I'm gonna' hire a

wino to decorate our home,

"So you'll feel more at ease

here, and you won't have to roam.

"We'll take out the dining room

table, and put a bar along that wall.

"And a neon sign, to point the way,

to our bathroom down the hall."

She said: "Just bring your

Friday paycheck, and I'll

cash them all right here.

"And I'll keep on tap for all your

friends, their favorite kinds of beer.

"And for you, I'll always keep in

stock, those soft aluminum cans.

"And when you're feeling macho,

you can crush them like a man."

She said: "We'll rip out all the

carpet, and put sawdust on the floor.

"Serve hard boiled eggs and

pretzels, and I won't cook no more.

"There'll be Monday night

football, on T.V. above the bar.

"And a pay phone in the hallway, when

your friends can't find their car."

She said: "I'm gonna' hire a

wino to decorate our home,

"So you'll feel more at ease

here, and you won't have to roam.

"We'll take out the dining room

table, and put a bar along that wall.

"And a neon sign, to point the way,

to our bathroom down the hall."

She said: "You'll get friendly

service, and for added atmosphere.

"I'll slip on something se y,

and I'll cut it clear to here.

"Then you can slap my bottom,

every time you tell a joke.

"Just as long as you keep tipping,

well, I'll laugh until you're broke."

She said: "Instead of family quarrels,

we'll have a bar room brawl,

"When the Ham's bear say's its closing

time, you won't have far to crawl.

"And when you run out of money,

you'll have me to thank.

"You can sleep it off ne t morning,

when I'm putting it in the bank."

She said: "I'm gonna' hire a

wino, to decorate our home,

"So you can feel more at ease

here, and you won't have to roam.

"When you and your friends get off

From work, and have a powerful thirst.

"There won't be any reason, why

you can't stop off here first."

She said: "I'm gonna' hire a

wino to decorate our home,

"So you'll feel more at ease

here, and you won't have to roam.

"We'll take out the dining room

table, and put a bar along that wall.

"And a neon sign, to point the way,

to our bathroom down the hall."