Sinner

I′m a shell of a man that I once was

I don't have many friends that I trust much

Getting punished for my sins but its unjust

Then again all my victims and loved ones

Buried guy deserve it had to scurry cuz they′re family to the cops

Felt like they deserted me and let me hit a rut

It's been 14 months

I keep prayin' to the courts beams up

Are they ever gunna let me see my house

I′ve been so home sick

Try to call her but the phone goes click

I just wanna say I′m sorry and tell her how much I love her

And we were meant to be together

We need each other

When we were sober s**t was betta'

Then we recover

Cuz when I′m drinkin' Imma killa, and she′s a cutta'

It′s unbelievable it's illegal, now for me to call her

So I just crawl up in the bed and ball up in the covers

Fallin' like a baby chuggin′ vodka by the liter bottle

Fucked if I don′t sip n ya I own the struggles

I don't got no windows in the room

I been stuck in

I′ve isolated myself from all my homies

When they call me, I'm on insta

So they yellin′ say I'm fuckin′

Shitty husband and a half ass friend

I can't say that I blame them

Nah

I had seen so much as a kid growing up

I can't go back and change it

If you feel like me, we need to hang in

I′m tryna live still feelin like a sinner

And I don′t know how much I can give em

Cuz I just want it all, I just want it all

But it still don't feel like I′m winnin'

I′m tryna live still feelin like a sinner

And I don't know how much I can give em

Cuz I just want it all, I just want it all

But it still don′t feel like I'm winnin'

Yo

Lately the people I know have been lookin′ at me

For some kind of advice

They don′t know how much I worry that

Imma regret all the s**t at the end of my life

Going insane

Keeping the poise

Go make the money

Give em your voice

Never complain

You made the choice

Never been happy, distill in the void

And everybody fakes how they feel so

You don't gotta show anybody the real you

Now the drugs we contain we conceal that

You do anything to make it and it kills you

You don′t wanna walk a mile in my shoes

Y'all would fall 2 steps along this path

Cuz what I go through, I don′t show you

I don't feel like I can, yeah

2 loves 2 halves to the heart

But I grip 2 hands at a time

I′m the throat of the game so I can't

Hold onto the rest of my life

When I'm up and it′s finally done

I don′t know but ill have the show

Gunna burn everything until everyone that doubted me knows

I wish I would known what it be like then

I said I give it all just to be like them

I'm endin′ up with nothin just to have, it, all

I'm tryna live still feelin like a sinner

And I don′t know how much I can give em

Cuz I just want it all, I just want it all

But it still don't feel like I′m winnin' (like I'm winnin′)

I feel like I′m a sinner by heart

I can't see the light so I sit in the dark

Yeah this is the way that it′s been from the start

Cuz no matter what I gotta live with these scars

I'm chained up, like I′m rockin' some jewelry

All I need is this vodka to suit me

Impossible thoughts like the haunted consume me

Cannot let these shots from this bottle abuse me

No matter what tho, I gotta keep goin′

Swear to god man I bleed these poems

The seasons change and the leaves keep blowin'

Imma keep movin' up, I won′t reach my lowest

Cuz I know I gotta job to finish

So I keep fuckin′ the game till the condoms rippin'

And I′m lucky to be alive an not locked in prison

I'm on a mission, to show em that my heart still in it

If you gotta problem with a dawg, y′all can get it

I'm killin′ everybody now. lets be non-specific

They were talkin' s**t until I caught em slippin'

And they career just crashed like car collisions

Shoutout to Ekoh for preachin′ the positive

Even the thought of the bottle I′m vomittin'

Reachin′ the top, diggin' deep for some confidence

I do it for y′all that I see in the audience

I'm tryna live still feelin like a sinner

And I don′t know how much I can give em

Cuz I just want it all, I just want it all

But it still don't feel like I'm winnin′

I′m tryna live still feelin like a sinner

And I don't know how much I can give em

Cuz I just want it all, I just want it all

But it still don′t feel like I'm winnin′