My Name Is Mud

My name is Mud

Not to be confused with Bill or Jack or Pete or Dennis

My name is mud and it's always been

'Cause I'm the most boring sons-a-bitch you've ever seen

From head to toe I'm rather drab except my patent shoes

I make 'em shine, well most the time

'Cept today my feet are troddin' on by this friend of mine

Six foot two and rude as hell

My name is Mud

My name is Mud, but call me Alowishus Devadander Abercrombie

That's long for Mud so I've been told

Told that by this sonsabitch that lies before me bloated blue and cold

I've got my pride, I drink my wine

Or were it years

The breath on that fat bastard could bring any man to tears

We had our words, a common spat

So I kissed him upside the cranium with an aluminum baseball bat

My name is Mud