SENNETT
Alright, let′s get started.
CHARLIE
Wait! Where's the script?
SENNETT
There is no script. Just do what I tell you to do.
CHARLIE
But don′t we rehearse first?
SENNETT
No, we don't.
CHARLIE
Can I go back to London?
SENNETT
No, you can't. All you have to do is follow my direction.
THAT′S CHARLOTTE IN WARDROBE AND MARY IN MAKEUP,
THE GIRLS WHO WILL HELP YOU LOOK PRETTY.
THAT′S HANK ON THE DOLLY AND PETE ON THE PROPS,
AND THE MAN AT THE CAMERA IS ROLLIE.
NOW MAKEUP IS WAITING AND DAYLIGHT IS FADING,
SO WHY NOT BEGIN WITH THE FUN?
SO COME OVER HERE, CHAPLIN,
AND HANG ON MY WORDS,
AND I'LL SHOW YOU HOW PICTURES ARE DONE.
WITH A GIRL AND A BENCH, TWO PIES AND A TREE,
THREE COPS, WE′LL HAVE YOU ALL LAUGHING.
MABEL SIT DOWN, FATTY STAND UP,
CHAPLIN GET IN THERE, IT'S HAPPENING.
TROUBLE ARRIVES, A VILLAIN APPEARS,
SENNETT (CONT′D)
"FATTY, CATCH HER FLIRTING."
AND HE WHO GETS IN FATTY'S WAY,
I PROMISE WILL BE HURTING!
A LITTLE TO THE LEFT, NO, A LITTLE TO THE RIGHT,
NOW STAND UP, CHAPLIN, FIND YOUR LIGHT.
SIT DOWN, STAND UP, MOVE LEFT, MOVE DOWN,
NO, NO, CHAPLIN, JUST LOOK RIGHT.
C′MON, CHAPLIN, LOOK AT ME
AND GIVE ME ONE REACTION.
YOU GET WHAT I SAID,
FORGET WHAT I SAID,
I REALLY JUST WANT TO SEE ACTION!
Charlie, run for it . . . Fast . . . Faster . . . Charlie. Don't slow it down, Chaplin.
Keep up with them. What are ya doing? You're not in a theatre, Chaplin. No! Wait!
You′re slowing it down . . . Stop, cut, cut, cut! Charlie.
CHARLIE
Yes, sir?
SENNETT
They call them movies because they move faster than anything you′ve ever seen
On the stage. That's the difference between them. Now, I like ya, Chaplin.
So let′s try it again. Rolling!
Action!
A LITTLE TO THE LEFT, A LITTLE TO THE RIGHT,
GET IN THERE CHAPLIN AND START A FIGHT!
SHOW ME JUST A LITTLE OF THE MAGIC THAT I SAW THAT NIGHT.
CUE THE COPS AND CUE THE PIES,
AND VILLAINS HIDDEN IN DUSGUISE.
SENNETT (CONT'D)
CHAPLIN HELP ME, TIME IS MONEY,
WON′T YOU SHOW ME SOMETHING FUNNY?
MABEL'S SWEATING, FATTY′S THINNING,
GIVE ME JUST A GAG THAT'S WINNING.
ROLLIE'S ROLLING,
PETE IS WAITING,
MOVE IT, KID, STOP HESITATING.
CHAPLIN STAND AND MABEL STRUT,
AND FATTY PUNCH HIM IN THE GUT.
CHAPLIN UP,
MOUTH IS SHUT,
BE FUNNY, CHAPLIN, DAMMIT, CUT!
CHARLIE
It′s that difference again, isn′t it, sir?
SENNETT
It is. It is.
CHARLIE
Sorry, sir. I'm just trying to figure out my character′s motivation.
SENNETT
What?
CHARLIE
In London, I always knew why my character was doing something.
SENNETT
Character? This is Hollywood. We don't have character here and we don′t have
Motivations.
CHARLIE
Let me try it one more time.
SENNETT
Alright! Rolling! Action!
SENNETT
TIME HAS PASSED,
SO MOVE YOUR ASS,
AND GIVE ME ONE GOOD SHOT.
YOU'D THINK YOU′D HAVE IT IN YA
JUST TO GIVE ME WHAT YOU GOT.
THE CAMERA'S ALMOST EMPTY
SO THE PRESSURE IS ON YOU.
THE DUSK IS HERE.
THE DAY HAS ALMOST
SLIPPED WITHOUT A TRACE.
SO GRAB A PIE, RUN ON BY,
HIT FATTY IN THE FACE.
I KNOW IT'S SCHTICK,
I KNOW IT′S CRUDE,
BUT WHO CAN REALLY BLAME US?
SO, C′MON, KID, AND SHOW ME NOW
THE GAG FOR WHICH I'M FAMOUS . . .
Cut!
