Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk
at our Christmas party
We were drinking champagne punch
and homemade eggnog
Little sister brought her new boyfriend
He was a Mexican
We didn't know what to
think of him until he sang
Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad
Brother Ken brought his kids with him
The three from his first wife Lynn
And the two identical twins
from his second wife Mary Nell
Of course he brought his new wife Kay
Who talks all about
AA
Chain smoking while the stereo plays
Noel, Noel
The First Noel
Carve the Turkey
Turn the ball game on
Mix margaritas when the eggnog's gone
Send somebody to the Quickpak Store
We need some ice and an extension cord
A can of bean dip and some Diet Rites
A box of tampons, some Marlboro Lights
Hallelujah everybody say "Cheese"
Merry Christmas from the family
Fred and Rita drove from Harlingen
I can't remember how I'm kin to them
But when they tried to
plug their motor home in
They blew our Christmas lights
Cousin David knew just what went wrong
So we all waited out on our front lawn
He threw a breaker and
the lights came on
And we sang
Silent Night, Oh Silent Night
Oh Holy Night
Carve the turkey turn the ball game on
Make Bloody Mary's
Cause We All Want One!
Send somebody to the Stop 'N Go
We need some celery
and a can of fake snow
A bag of lemons and some Diet Sprites
A box of tampons, some Salem Lights
Hallelujah, everybody say "Cheese"
Merry Christmas from the Family
