I Really Don't Hate Christmas

You see Valentine's is torture, and my Birthday is a mess

New Year's is a lot of noise, and Arbor Day's a pest

Halloween's a horror but I guess I must confess

That I really don't hate Christmas

You see Flag Day is infernal, April Fool's is just a bore

Mardi Gras is a waste, unless you own a candy store

All these other holidays I can admit that I abhor

But I really don't hate Christmas

Now it isn't that I like it

At the most I feel ambivalence

But should I really just destroy it? I'll admit that I'm still on the fence

It makes me tense

From the evil scientists' community I'm sure to get ejected

But for Christmas I can't seem to summon any true invective

Because what is there to hate? I mean it's really so subjective

No, I really don't hate Christmas

I hate puppy dogs and kittens, I hate flowers in the spring

Heck, I even hate the sunshine and the birdies when they sing

I can work up animosity for almost anything

Tell me why I don't hate Christmas

Though my childhood was atrocious

Christmas never was that bad, you see

So the most that I can muster is complete and total apathy

What's wrong with me?

How can I prove that I'm an evil villain worth his salt

When with a holiday so jolly I can't even find a fault

If I didn't feel ambiguous I'd launch a big assault

But I really don't hate Christmas

Oh, what the heck, kickline

No I really

No I really don't hate Christmas!

I have an intense BURNING indifference!