Look at her! A prisoner of the gutter

Condemed by every syllable she utters

By right, she should be taken out and hung

For the cold blooded murder of the English tongue!

(OOOWWWWW!)

Heavens! What a sound!

This is what the British population

Calls an elementary education

(Come sir, I think you've picked a poor example)

Did I?

Hear them down in Soho square

Dropping H's everywhere

Speaking English anyway they like

Ah, you sir! Did you go to school?

What do you "tike" me for, a fool?

No one taught him "take" instead of "tike"?

Hear a Yorkshire man, or worse!

Hear a Cornish man converse

I'd rather hear a choir singing flat!

Chickens cackling in a barn, just like this one

(Gawm!)

Gawm! I ask you sir, what sort of word is that?

It's "ow" and "gawm" that keep her in her place

Not her wretched clothes and dirty face

Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?

This verbal class distinction by now should be antique!

If you spoke as she does sir

Instead of the way you do; why you might be selling flowers too!

(I beg your pardon!)

An Englishman's way of speaking absolutley classifies him

The moment he talks, he makes some other Englishman dispise him!

One common language I'm afraid we'll never get

Oh, why can't the English learn to

Set a good example to people whose English is painful to your ears!

The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears

There are even are places where English completely disappears!

Well, in America, they haven't used it for years!

Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?

Norwegians learn Norwegian

The Greeks are taught their Greek

In France, every Frenchman knows his language from A to Zed

The French don' care what they do actually

As long as they pronounce it properly

Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning

The Hebrews learn it backwards

Which is absolutely frightening

Use proper English you're regarded as a freak

Oh, why can't the English

Why can't the English learn to speak?