I am a thoughtful guy

I think about a lotta things

I am a thoughtful guy

I think a lotta thoughts about a lotta things

I think about space and the vastness of it

I think about cake and how much I love it

I think about if Walmart is good or evil

I think tattoos are cool, on other people

I think about the unexplored depths of the ocean

I think about the difference in ointment and lotion

I think about if I should wax my back

I think a handful of nuts is healthy snack

I am a thoughtful guy

Right now, I'm thinking about the millions of microorganisms

Livin' on my body, it's like I'm a mothership

A 100% male mothership

I think about how I could get on the local news

If I strolled into a McDonald's and stripped down nude

I think about a hotdog while I'm eating it

But then I pause 'cause I'm thinkin' about its ingredients

I think about the first guy who ever shaved

And how many times did he shave before the second guy caved?

I think about if a friend were choking on ice

"Just be patient" would the best advice

I think about that moment when I'm driftin' off to sleep

And then my body jerks like I'm falling suddenly

I wonder if that's a defense mechanism for somethin'

Like when you're sleepin' on a cliff, or just top-bunking

Sometimes I think how old guys like to whittle

And how if I start now and just whittle a little

My whittling skills will hone before I get old

And I'll pwn all my friends at the retirement home

I think of all the places that a penny has been

Like, seriously, think of all the places that a penny's been in

It could'a been in the pocket of the president's suit

But it's probably also been in some toddler's poop

'Cause little kids eat pennies like they're Flintstone Vitamins

Accruing no interest while traveling inside of 'em

Re-entering circulation might boost the economy

But I'd rather not pay with a penny that's performed a colonoscopy

I think that our universe is really one of many

With many parallel me's, stretching to infinity

Doing activities similarly to me

Yet, at the same time, done slightly differently

And seemingly, right now they could be

Thinking this same thought as me

Well, a similar thought but not the same thought exactly

That's pretty deep

I am a thoughtful guy

Right now, I'm thinkin' about the people who invented words

Did they just look at stuff and say the first thing that came to their minds?

And if so, how do you explain duffel bag?

I think, "How do I know that you and me

See the same colors the same way when you and me see?"

Is my red blue for you, or my green your green too?

Could it be true we see differing hues?

And say we do, then how would we discover this fact?

And even if we did, would there be any impact?

I don't think this would affect us personally

But I think it would have ripple effects throughout the interior design industry

I think about if I was turned into an ant

I'd want my loved ones to know, so I thought of a plan

I'd gather twigs and leaves and write my name on the ground

Then I'd wait for my family and friends to crowd around

But now I'm thinkin' that when they saw it

They'd think the human me wrote it and an ant was crawling on it

Then not realizing the ant me was really the real me

In a strange twist of fate I think they'd probably kill me

I am a thoughtful guy

I am a thoughtful guy

And right now, I'm thinking about what if I was abducted by aliens

While I had a really bad farmer's tan?

The aliens might incorrectly conclude that our species was two-toned

That's exactly what I thought

And then somehow, through this error, my tan lines save the human race

I like that thought

Yeah, I think a lotta thoughts like that

Me too