I'll be stoned for Christmas

You can plan on me

I must insist on the lemon twist

Martinis by the tree

Christmas Eve you'll find me

Sparkin' up some green

Rollin' bones for Christmas dinner

And sipping Irish Cream

Santa Claus will be flying

With his reindeer team

But I'll be crawlin' around on the floor this Christmas

'Cause someone hid my keys