In the house of Borden there's a lock on every door
In every room a prisoner of a long silent war
Let us take you to an August back in 1892
When all hell broke loose in the house of Borden
Andrew Jackson Borden knows
That pennies must be pinched
So Monday's mutton supper
Will be Tuesday's mutton lunch
And then to stretch it further
Thursday's breakfast is mutton soup
And we're getting sick in the house of Borden
When Daddy was an undertaker
No body was too tall
He'd charge 'em for the big box
And bury them in the small
To save a couple dollars
He'd chop off a couple feet
He's ******* rich that Mr. Borden
In the house of Borden there's a lock on every door
In every room a prisoner of a long silent war
Let us take you to an August back in 1892
When all hell broke loose in the house of Borden
The sisters live in the front of the house
The old folks take the rear
It seems a bit peculiar
But they've kept it up for years
I won't say they're not cordial
Crowded's more the word
They get no peace in the house of Borden
Lizzie's not the brightest bird
And Emma's not so sweet
Mind you these are not my words
But I hear things on the street
Any way you slice it
These girls are past their prime
There's no wedding bells in the house of Borden
In the house of Borden there's a lock on every door
In every room a prisoner of a long silent war
Let us take you to an August back in 1892
When all hell broke loose in the house of Borden
Father married Mrs. Borden
After our mother died
If she's in it for the money
She's in for a big surprise
We've no personal objection
But she can't have what's ours
Fair is fair in the house of Borden
The family crest of Borden
Is a lion with an axe
Running rampant into battle
Ready to attack
It's an oddly fitting emblem
For a family like this
And we're killing time in the house of Borden
In the house of Borden there's a lock on every door
In every room a prisoner of a long silent war
Let us take you to an August back in 1892
When all hell broke loose in the house of Borden
When I was a girl
I gave my father my gold ring
He wears it to this day
A symbol of my love for him
My middle name is Andrew
Father wanted a boy
But I'm daddy's little girl now
The father loved the younger one
Some say a bit too much
They say she talks to pigeons
But who am I to judge
I don't mean to spread a rumor
These are just things that I hear
But there's some crazy shite in the house of Borden
