Epic Rap Battles of History

Dr Seuss vs

William Shakespeare, begin

Come bite my thumb!

I hope you know the stakes

I'll put a slug between your shoulder blades

Then ask what light through yonder poser breaks?

I hath been iambic on that ass, ye bastard

My rhymes are classic

Your crap is drafted by a kindergartener high on acid

Ye hoebag

You're an old white Soulja Boy who has no swag

And no gonads

Egads, it's so sad

And to top it off

You're not a doctor

I've never seen a softer author

You crook, you

I bet you wrote The Twilight books too!

I would not could not on a boat

Read any of the boring ass plays you wrote

Even Horton doesn't want to hear you

And Cindy Lou Who is afraid to go near you

You bore people to death

You leave a classroom

Looking like the end of MacBeth

I entertain a child of any age

You gotta translate what you said on the opposite page

How you gonna battle with the Cat in The Hat?

Little kids get scared when I step on the mat

You think your ruffled neck ass gonna rap to that?

I got a best selling book about me coming back

I'm switching up my style like the Beatles with my pieces

Each is such a wonder with a plethora of features

You're pathetically predictable

You think your new book might include a trisyllabic meter and some ghetto Muppet creatures

The Bard is in the building

It's a castle I'm a boss

I bet I'm Parliament

I'm positive, I'm killing it

I'm iller than the plague I never caught or cholera

A baller baller on some cricket bowler business while you're sitting in the bleachers

You rap fast you do

Yes you rap fast it's true

Now let's see how you rap versus Things 1 and 2!

Oh, No

We'll smash your Globe

Yo, you may have wrote the script but now we running the show

You can take your fancy words and send 'em back home to your mama

Break our foot off in your ass with our feetie pajamas

Man we'll cook you up and eat you with some ham and green eggs

We'll break offa your legs

Make no mistake

We in a rage

All does not end well when we bust out our cage

You gettin' upstaged Bill

Yo, you just got played!