Well I went down to Mos Eisley for a converter

Hell you know how hot it gets on Tatooine

Well then I saw that there cantina

I'll go in for an Orangina

I heard it was rough but how bad could it be

All manner of men and beasts were staring at me

Seems just one week before

Their Twi'lek slave girl walked out the door

And I guess I was the next best thing they'd seen

I lost more than my heart in that Cantina

I left my manhood there on Tatooine

Son it don't mean you're weak

If you turn the other cheek

But if you spread 'em both for Jabba son you ain't a man

Old Hammerhead he fixed his mind to screw me

Whipped out his tool and nailed me to the bar

My anus he destroyed

Now I got me Hemmeroids

They had to wrench him off my nuts with a gaffi bar

I was hit over the head by ol' Han Solo

I'd have never guessed that pirate was a homo

I woke up next to Chewbacca

I was smeared in Wookiee ca ca

And what they did to my poor nipples was a no no

I lost more than my heart in that Cantina

I left my manhood there on Tatooine

Son it don't mean you're weak

If you turn the other cheek

But if you spread 'em both for Jabba son you ain't a man

Ol' Salacious Crumb's so small ya can't detect him

Before I knew it he shoved himself straight in my rectum

And then just to be heinous he screamed real loud out of my anus

Now I got an a hole car alarm and I can't disconnect him

Oh Greedo greedily grabbed his green weenie

And he yanked that sucker 'til it wasn't so teeny

He pulled me into Jabba's hut

He stared intently at my butt

And then he oo ta too ta'ed me with his zucchini

I lost more than my heart in that Cantina

I left my manhood there on Tatooine

Son it don't mean you're weak

If you turn the other cheek

But if you spread 'em both for Jabba son you ain't a man

Take it away boys

Band instrumental

Well the guy walked up and said My friend doesn't like you

I said Sorry

He said I don't like you either you better watch yourself

I think his name was Tom Waits

Then some old dude who taught Vader

Chopped his arm off with a saber

That later made for one red hot anal invader

I was broken on the floor beat to a stupor

Then I was saved there at the door were ten stormtroopers

But then my hope faded away

I didn't know they cloned 'em gay

And they each took turns stormtroopin' me in the pooper

I lost more than my heart in that Cantina

I left my manhood there on Tatooine

Son it don't mean you're weak

If you turn the other cheek

Which is why I still go there every week