Say, Kate, can I ask you a question?

Sure

Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?

Uh huh

Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster

Right

You're both Monsters

Yeah

Are you two related?

What? Princeton I'm surprised at you, I find that racist

Oh, well, I'm sorry, I was just asking

Well, it's a touchy subject

No, not all monsters are related

What are you trying say, huh?

That we all look the same to you?

Huh, huh, huh? (no, no, no)

No, no, no, oh, not at all

I'm sorry, I guess that was a little racist

I should say so

You should be much more careful

When you're talking about the sensitive subject of race

Well, look who's talking

What do you mean?

What about that special Monster school you told me about?

What about it?

Could someone like me go there?

No, we don't want people like you

Ha ha ha ha ha, you see?

You're a little bit racist

Well, you're a little bit too

I guess we're both a little bit racist

Admitting it is not an easy thing to do

But I guess it's true

Between me and you

I think everyone's a little bit racist sometimes

Doesn't mean we go around committing hate crimes

Look around and you will find

No one's really color blind

Maybe it's a fact we all should face

Everyone makes judgments based on race

No, not big judgments, like who to hire

Or who to buy a newspaper from

No

No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican

Busboys should learn to speak goddamn English

Right

Everyone's a little bit racist

Today

So, everyone's a little bit racist

Okay

Ethnic jokes might be uncouth

But you laugh because they're based on truth

Don't take them as personal attacks

Everyone enjoys them

So relax

All right, stop me if you've heard this one

Okay

Alright there's a plan going down (aha)

And there's only one parachute

And there's a Rabbi, a priest

And a black guy

What you talkin' 'bout Kate?

Uh

You were telling a black joke

Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes

I don't

Well, of course you don't, you're black

But I bet you tell polack jokes, right?

Well, sure I do, those stupid polacks

Ha ha ha

Now, don't you think that's a little racist?

Well, damn, I guess you're right

You're a little bit racist

Well, you're a little bit too

We're all a little bit racist

I think that I would have to agree with you

We're glad you do

It's sad but true

Everyone's a little bit racist

Alright, alright, alright, alright

Bigotry has never been exclusively white

If we all could just admit

That we are racist a little bit

Even though we all know that it's wrong

Maybe it would help us get along

Oh, Christ do I feel good?

Now there was a fine upstanding black man

Who?

Jesus Christ

But, Gary, Jesus was white

No, Jesus was black

No, Jesus was white

No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black

Guys, guys, Jesus was jewish

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha

Hey guys, what are you laughing about?

Racism

Cool

Brian, come back here

You take out lecycuraburs

What's that mean?

Um, recyclables

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha

Hey, don't laugh at her

How many languages do you speak?

Oh, come off it, Brian

Everyone's a little bit racist

I'm not

Oh no?

Nope

How many oriental wives have you got?

What? Brian

Brian, buddy, where you been?

The term is Asian-American

I know you are no intending to be

But calling me oriental

Offensive to me

I'm sorry, honey, I love you

And I love you

But you're racist, too

Yes, I know

The Jews have all the money

And the whites have all the power

And I'm always in taxi cab

With driver who no shower

Me too

Me too

I can't even get a taxi

Everyone's a little bit racist, it's true

But everyone is just about as racist as you

If we all could just admit that we are racist a little bit

And everyone stopped being so P.C

Maybe we could live in harmony

Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist