I WAS LONELIER THAN

KUNTA KINTE AT A

MERLE HAGGARD

CONCERT

THAT NIGHT I

STROLLED ON INTO

UNCLE LIMPY'S

HUMP PALACE

LOOKIN' FOR LOVE

IT HAD BEEN A WHILE

IN FACT

THREE HUNDRED

AND SIXTY- FIVE HAD

COME AND WENT SINCE

THAT MIDNIGHT RUN

HAULIN' HOG

TO SHAKEY TOWN

ON I- ONE- OH

I HAD PICKED UP

THIS HITCH HIKER THAT

WAS SWEATIN' GALLONS

THROUGH A PAIR OF

DAISY DUKE CUTOFFS

AND ONE OF THOSE

FRUIT OF THE LOOM

TANK TOPS

WELL THAT NIGHT

I LOST MYSELF

TO RUBY RED LIPS

MILKY WHITE SKIN

AND BABY BLUE EYES

NAME WAS RUSSELL

YES A LAP DANCE

IS SO MUCH BET TER

WHEN THE STRIP PER

IS CRYIN'

YES A LAP DANCE

IS SO MUCH BET TER

WHEN THE STRIP PER

IS CRYIN'

WELL I

FIND IT'S QUITE A THRILL

WHEN SHE GRINDS ME

A GAINST HER WILL

YES A LAP DANCE

IS SO MUCH BET TER

WHEN THE STRIP PER

IS CRYIN'

WELL FASTER

THAN YOU CAN SAY

SHALLOW GRAVE

THIS PRETTY

LITTLE THING

COME UP TO ME

AND STARTS KNEADIN'

MY B#### LIKE

HARD- BOILED EGGS

IN A TUBE SOCK

SAID HER NAME

WAS BAMBI

AND I SAID

WELL THAT'S

A COINCIDENCE DARLIN'

'CAUSE I WAS JUST

THINKIN' ABOUT

SKINNIN' YOU

LIKE A DEER

WELL SHE SMILED

HAD ABOUT

AS MUCH TEETH

AS A JACK-O'- LANTERN

AND I WENT ON

TO TELL HER

HOW I WOULD

WEAR HER FACE

LIKE A MASK

AS I DO MY LITTLE

KOOKY DANCE

AND THEN SHE TOLD ME

TO SHUSH

I GUESS

SHE COULD SENSE MY

DESPERATION

'COURSE IT'S HARD

TO HIDE A H###- ##

WHEN YOU'RE DRESSED

LIKE MINNIE PEARL

IS SO MUCH BET TER

WHEN THE STRIP PER

IS CRYIN'

YES A LAP DANCE

IS SO MUCH BET TER

WHEN THE STRIP PER

IS CRYIN'

WELL I

FIND IT'S QUITE A THRILL

WHEN SHE GRINDS ME

A GAINST HER WILL

YES A LAP DANCE

IS SO MUCH BET TER

WHEN THE STRIP PER

IS CRYIN'

SO BAMBI'S GOIN' ON

ABOUT HOW

SHE CAN MAKE

ALL MY FANTASIES

COME TRUE

SO I SAYS

EVEN THIS ONE I HAVE

WHERE JESUS CHRIST

IS JACKHAMMERIN'

MICKEY MOUSE

IN THE DOO- DOO HOLE

WITH A LAWN DART

AS GARTH BROOKS

GIVES BIRTH TO

SOMETHIN' RESEMBLIN'

A CHEDDAR CHEESE LOG

WITH ALMONDS

ON SANTA CLAUS'S

TUMMY- TUM

WELL TEN BEERS

TWENTY MINUTES AND

THIRTY DOLLARS LATER

I'M PARKIN' THE BEEF BUS

IN TUNA TOWN

IF YOU KNOW

WHAT I MEAN

GOT TO N### HER

BACK AT HER TRAILER

HEE

THAT RHYMES

I HAVE TO ADMIT

IT WAS EVEN MORE

OF A TURN- ON

WHEN I FOUND OUT

SHE WAS DOIN' ME

TO BUY BABY FORMULA

YES A LAP DANCE

IS SO MUCH BET TER

WHEN THE STRIP PER

IS CRYIN'

YES A LAP DANCE

IS SO MUCH BET TER

WHEN THE STRIP PER

IS CRYIN'

WELL I

FIND IT'S QUITE A THRILL

WHEN SHE GRINDS ME

A GAINST HER WILL

YES A LAP DANCE

IS SO MUCH BET TER

WHEN THE STRIP PER

IS CRYIN'

DAY OR SO HAD PASSED

WHEN I

POPPED THE CLUTCH

GAVE THE TRANNY A SPIN

AND SLID ON INTO

THE STINKY PINKY

GULP 'N' GUZZLE

BIG RIG SNOOZE- A- STOP

THERE I WAS

BROWSIN' THROUGH

THE LATEST ISSUE

OF THROB

WHEN I SAW BAMBI

STARIN' AT ME

FROM THE BACK OF

A MILK CARTON

WELL MY HEART

JUST DROPPED

SO I DECIDED TO DO

WHAT ANY GOOD

CHRISTIAN WOULD

HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO

HOLD A HALF GALLON OF

MOO JUICE AND P#####

THE O##- E### G#####

WHEN YOU'RE DOIN'

SEVENTY- FIVE IN AN

EIGHTEEN- WHEELER

I NEVER THOUGHT

MISSIN' CHILDREN

COULD BE SO SEXY

DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD

YES A LAP DANCE

IS SO MUCH BET TER

WHEN THE STRIP PER

IS CRYIN'

YES A LAP DANCE

IS SO MUCH BET TER

WHEN THE STRIP PER

IS CRYIN'

WELL I

FIND IT'S QUITE A THRILL

WHEN SHE GRINDS ME

A GAINST HER WILL

YES A LAP DANCE

IS SO MUCH BET TER

WHEN THE STRIP PER

IS CRYIN'