When people ask how I'm doing

I wanna say

My depression is a angry deity

A jealous god

A thirsty shadow that raise

My joy like a dish rag

That makes you juice out of my smile

I wanna say

Getting out of bed has become the magic trick

And I'm probably the worst magician I know

I wanna say

This sadness is the only clean shirt I have left

And my washing machine has been broken for months

But I'd rather not ruin someone

Stay with my tragic honesty

So instead

I treat my face like a pumpkin

I pretend in Halloween

I carve it into something

I laugh and say

Doing all right

New way away

Do you know what it's like to lose someone to suicide

People tell you stupid because of the things you right

You ain't never seen a fear in the eyes of your mama

Receiving further on cause just to talk to your father

Last week I just buried my uncle

He couldn't cut my phone

Man I wish I couldn't do something

And it's just talking at my heart

My girl never seen me crying when he died

There was a start when you died

The whole earth still

Still

I saw you in the casket when that shit wasn't real

A month later

Ready still crying

Still I have one question

How could you just leave us here

Oh I guess it's something we would never understand

I hope you know you're a reason I turn into a man

But it gets harder every day to go without a cry

I know uncle Josh is hurt I can see it in his eyes

And grandma I know you hurting me you know god I lie

I hate seeing you hugging your pillow

Just trying not to cry

Man and it's driving

Me crazy I promise you when I make it

I'ma take care of them babies I need you guidance

Please be my guardian angel to my sister

And saying hi I swear that I really miss her

My mama said just to be patient to focus on my mission

My daddy said be silent and to keep a tunnel vision

My grandma said she knows that I'mma make it

My stepdad said that every night that he be praying

I told myself I gotta do this for my baby

I'm tired of the bottom

From the get up off the pavement

Every one of my family as a convicted felon

I got people that got defeat the family just by selling

So watch how you talk to me

Because then put what in your melon

I swear to god you truly miss

Rest in peace I'm forever see I come through the slums

With people carry them slugs

With people die for no reason

And youngest carry them drugs

I see little kids losing mama because of the drugs

I know you never see much of somebody that they love

I made times have I told you

That the life I live is real

I never asked you for your help

I don't care how you feel

For 17 years my father was like behind that still

I told my mama will be rich by this time of next year

Look I'mma get off that shit I know you can't

Tell me shit I know that this isn't it

Do you know why I spit

So I can paint a perfect picture just to hang that shit

Cause when I'm hungry I swear that I'm a bottomless pit

I come with all of this shit

And if you test my son I promise you will get hit

And if I gotta do it then I'ma start flipping bricks

Cause we ain't never had shit

Why do we go through this and it's making me sick

I be trying my best we living check the check

My grandma is always stressed

It hurt when she cried with her face in my chest

Tell someone I love and it's neck to neck

I got dogs with me and they love to play fetch

Better watch you threat this world put you in check

I got people that'll sit here

To get your whole block wet

Turn on the morning news

And they say can't find your body yet

I've had people tell me that I would ever make it

That teacher told me I'm stupid

For decisions I was making

I've had people tell me that I'm a legend in the making

Work hard for this I'll be there

If I let one of you take it

You always here when I'm faded

Always gone when I'm sober

My mama told me be humble

Keep a chip up on my shoulder

My daddy said he salutes me and he knows that I'm

A soldier swear to god I may be rich

Before the casket turns over

And you know that I'm with it

I promise I am not kidding

I started at the bottom

But you know I'm pen to the ceiling

Forget the justice of the year I refuse to be a victim

Everyone in my family with me

Has been lost in the system

Everything I'm doing is because of you

You told me that life is rough

But don't let it get to you

But I should've said the same damn thing to you

You gave me advice

But I was too young to give any to you

They don't know what I'm sliding

Going up without a father

Nobody else to talk to when you get mad at your mama

But I guess that's just the way that it works

If they don't get what they want me

You are the one that they hurt lately

I've been distant cause I've been in the works

And I respect the struggle

But sometimes it's a gift from the curse

I can tell you make it easy cause that'll be a lie

I know you've been hurting I know that I'm the reason

Why I hate being the cause of somebody's cries

And for the people I hurt I swear that I apologize

Picture yourself growing up without no water heed e

Get on the stove just to take 8/2

Shower keep sleeping over sleep

I speak until my overheat

I bet you when you hear the song

You're pressing wine on repeat