A fine romance with no kisses

A fine romance my friend this is

We should be like

A couple of hot tomatoes

But you're as cold as

Yesterday's mashed potatoes

A fine romance you won't nestle

A fine romance you won't wrestle

I might as well play bridge

With my old maid aunt

I haven't got a chance

This is a fine romance

A fine romance my good fellow

You take romance I'll take jello

You're calmer than the seals

In the Arctic Ocean

At least they flap their fins

To express emotion

A fine romance with no quarrels

With no insults and all morals

I've never mussed the crease

In your blue serge pants

I never get the chance

This is a fine romance

A fine romance with no kisses

A fine romance my friend this is

We two should be like clams in a dish of chowder

But we just fizz like parts of a Seidlitz powder

A fine romance with no clinches

A fine romance with no pinches

You're just as hard to land as the Ile de France

I haven't got a chance this is a fine romance