LAVENDER

My mummy says I'm a miracle.

REGINALD

My daddy says I'm his

special little guy.

ALICE

I am a princess!

BRUCE

And I am a prince.

LAVENDER, AMANDA, ALICE, HORTENSIA

Mum says I'm an angel

sent down from the sky...

BRUCE, ERIC, REGINALD

My daddy says I'm his

special little soldier,

No one is as handsome, strong as me.

It's true he indulges

my tendency to bulge

But I'm his little soldier! so

Hup, two, four, three!

AMANDA, HORTENSIA

My mummy says I'm a miracle,

One look at my face,

and it's plain to see.

Ever since the day Doc

chopped the umbilical cord,

It's been clear there's no

peer for a miracle like me!

NIGEL, TOMMY

My daddy says I'm his

special little soldier,

No one is as bold or tough as me.

Has my daddy told ya,

One day when I'm older,

I can be a soldier

And shoot you in the face!

DOCTOR

One can hardly move for beauty

and brilliance these days.

It seems that there are millions

of these one in a millions

these days

"Specialness" seems de rigueur

Above average is average go figure,

Is it is some modern

miracle of calculus,

That such frequent miracles

don't render each one un

miraculous.

ALL KIDS

My mummy says I'm a miracle,

One look at my face

and it's plain to see.

Ever since the day Doc

chopped the umbilical cord,

It's been clear there's no

peer for a miracle like me!

LAVENDER

My mummy says I'm a precious barelliNA!

She has never seen A prettier barelliNA

She says if I'm keen, I have

to cut down on the cream,

But I'm a barelliNA,

so give me more cake!

MOTHER (1) FATHER (2)

Take another picture of our angel

in that costume that I made...

MOTHER (1)

The role of "tree" has never

been portrayed with such

convincing sway.

MOTHER (2)

That's right, honey, look at mummy!

FATHER (2)

Don't put honey on your brother

MOTHER (2)

Smile for mummy; smile for mother!

FATHER (2)

I think she blinked

MOTHER (2)

Well, take another!

FATHER (3)

Have you seen his school

report? He got a 'C' on his

report!

MOTHER (3)

What?!

FATHER (3)

We'll have to change his

school, the teacher's clearly

falling short.

MOTHER (1)

She's just delightful.

FATHER (1)

So precarious and

MOTHER (1) FATHER (1)

Insightful.

MOTHER (1)

Might she be a little

brighter than the norm?

I know to boast, it's a frightful form!

ALL CHILDREN

My mummy says I'm a miracle

One look at my face

and it's plain to see.

Ever since the day Doc

chopped the umbilical cord,

It's been clear there's no

peer for a miracle like me!

My mummy says I'm a miracle

That I'm as tiny and as

shiny as a mirror ball.

You can be all cynical, but

it's a truth empirical.

There's never been a miracle,

a miracle, a miracle as me!

spoken:

Mrs Wormwood: Look, is this gonna take

much longer, doctor? I've got a plane

to catch at 3. I'm competing in the

bi annual international amateur salsa

and ballroom championships in Paris

Doctor: You're getting on

a plane, Mrs Wormwood?

Mrs Wormwood: Oh, yeah! I've been

training four hours a day for the

last two years, and I can tell you

one thing: if Jennifer Littleton

thinks she's walking off with the

coveted golden shoe this year, she's

got another think coming. I've got a

secret weapon: Rudolpho. He's part

Italian, you know. Very supple. He

has incredible upper body strength

Doctor: I think we should have a talk

Mrs Wormwood: So what is

it? What's wrong with me?

Doctor: Mrs Wormwood, do

you really have no idea?

Mrs Wormwood: Wind?

Doctor: Mrs Wormwood, I want you to

think very carefully. Now, what do

you think might be the cause of this?

Mrs Wormwood: Am I... Am

I... Uh, look, am I fat?

Doctor: Mrs Wormwood, you're pregnant

Mrs Wormwood: WHAT?

Doctor: You're going to have a baby

Mrs Wormwood: But I've got a

baby! I don't want another one!

Isn't there something you can do?

Doctor: You're nine months pregnant!

Mrs Wormwood: Antibiotics or... oh, my

good Lord! What about the golden shoe?

Doctor: A baby, Mrs Wormwood, a child.

The most precious gift the natural

world can bestow us has been handed to

you. A brand new human being. A life. A

person. A wonderful new person is about

to come into your life to bring love,

and magic, and happiness, and wonder

Mrs Wormwood: Oh, bloody hell!

DOCTOR

Every life I bring into this world

restores my faith in humankind.

MIDWIFE (Spoken)

Push Mrs. Wormwood, push!

MRS. WORMWOOD (Spoken)

I'll push you in a minute!

DOCTOR

Each new born life, a

canvas yet unpainted...

This still unbroken skin...

This uncorrupted mind...

Every life is unbelievably unlikely.

The chances of e istence,

Almost infinitely small.

The most common thing in life is life,

(Baby cries)

DOCTOR

And yet every single life,

Every new life is a miracle! Miracle!

(Mr Wormwood enters)

spoken:

Mr Wormwood: Where is

he? Where is my son?

Doctor: Mr Wormwood, are you smoking?

Mr Wormwood: What? Oh, of course,

doctor, what am I thinking?

This calls for a proper smoke

Mrs Wormwood: Who won? Was it

Jennifer Littleton? Maybe I can

get a later flight or something

Doctor: Mrs Wormwood, please stay where

you are. As I keep telling you, you are

in no shape to dance the tarantella

Mr Wormwood: Oh, my word, he's

an ugly little thing, ain't he?

Doctor: This is one of

the most beautiful little

children I've ever seen!

Mr Wormwood: You need glasses,

mate, he looks like a prune! Oh,

my good Lord, where's his thingy!

Doctor: What?

Mr Wormwood: His doo dah. His

what dya ma call it. What

you done with his thingy?!

Doctor: This child doesn't

have a... "thingy", Mr Wormwood

Mr Wormwood: What?!? A boy with no

thingy? Look what you done, you stupid

woman, this boy's got no thingy!

Doctor: Mr Wormwood, this

child is a girl. A girl! A

beautiful, beautiful little girl

Mrs Wormwood: Just put me out me misery,

was it Jennifer Littleton or not?

Mr Wormwood: Of course it was Jennifer

Littleton.

Mrs Wormwood: This is

the worst day of my life

MRS. WORMWOOD

Oh, my undercarriage

doesn't feel quite normal.

My skin looks just revolting

in this foul fluorescent

light,

And this gown is nothing like the

semi formal, semi Spanish gown I should

be wearing in the semi finals tonight.

I should be dancing the tarantella

Qui mon fella italiano

Not dressed in hospital cotton,

With a smarting front bottom,

And this

Horrible...

DOCTOR (AND NURSES)

Miracle, miracle, a miracle;

every life's a miracle,

Beautiful miracle I have ever seen...

MR. WORMWOOD

I can't find his frank and beans...

DOCTOR

Every life is unbelievably unlikely.

The chances of e istence,

almost infinitely small.

The most common thing in life is life,

And yet every single life,

every new life is a miracle!

Miracle! Miracle!

ALL CHILDREN

My mummy says I'm a miracle

One look at my face

and it's plain to see.

Ever since the day Doc

chopped the umbilical cord,

It's been clear there's no

peer for a miracle like me!

My mummy says I'm a miracle

That I'm as tiny and as

shiny as a mirror ball.

You can be all cynical, but

it's a truth empirical.

There's never been a miracle,

a miracle, a miracle as

MATILDA

My mummy says I'm a lousy little worm

My daddy says I'm a bore.

My mummy says I'm a

jumped up little germ,

That kids like me should

be against the law.

My daddy says I should

learn to shut my pie hole

No one likes a

smart mouthed girl like me

Mum says I'm a good case

for population control

Dad says I should watch more TV...

LAVENDER

My mummy says I'm a miracle.

REGINALD

My daddy says I'm his

special little guy.

ALICE

I am a princess!

BRUCE

And I am a prince.

LAVENDER, AMANDA, ALICE, HORTENSIA

Mum says I'm an angel

sent down from the sky...

BRUCE, ERIC, REGINALD

My daddy says I'm his

special little soldier,

No one is as handsome, strong as me.

It's true he indulges

my tendency to bulge

But I'm his little soldier! so

Hup, two, four, three!

AMANDA, HORTENSIA

My mummy says I'm a miracle,

One look at my face,

and it's plain to see.

Ever since the day Doc

chopped the umbilical cord,

It's been clear there's no

peer for a miracle like me!

NIGEL, TOMMY

My daddy says I'm his

special little soldier,

No one is as bold or tough as me.

Has my daddy told ya,

One day when I'm older,

I can be a soldier

And shoot you in the face!

ALL KIDS

My mummy says I'm a miracle,

One look at my face

and it's plain to see.

Ever since the day Doc

chopped the umbilical cord,

It's been clear there's no

peer for a miracle like me!

LAVENDER

My mummy says I'm a precious barelliNA!

She has never seen A prettier barelliNA

She says if I'm keen, I have

to cut down on the cream,

But I'm a barelliNA,

so give me more cake!

ALL CHILDREN

My mummy says I'm a miracle

One look at my face

and it's plain to see.

Ever since the day Doc

chopped the umbilical cord,

It's been clear there's no

peer for a miracle like me!

My mummy says I'm a miracle

That I'm as tiny and as

shiny as a mirror ball.

You can be all cynical, but

it's a truth empirical.

There's never been a miracle,

a miracle, a miracle as me!

ALL CHILDREN

My mummy says I'm a miracle

One look at my face

and it's plain to see.

Ever since the day Doc

chopped the umbilical cord,

It's been clear there's no

peer for a miracle like me!

My mummy says I'm a miracle

That I'm as tiny and as

shiny as a mirror ball.

You can be all cynical, but

it's a truth empirical.

There's never been a miracle,

a miracle, a miracle as

MOTHER (1) FATHER (2)

Take another picture of our angel

in that costume that I made...

MOTHER (1)

The role of "tree" has never

been portrayed with such

convincing sway.

MOTHER (2)

That's right, honey, look at mummy!

FATHER (2)

Don't put honey on your brother

MOTHER (2)

Smile for mummy; smile for mother!

FATHER (2)

I think she blinked

MOTHER (2)

Well, take another!

FATHER (3)

Have you seen his school

report? He got a 'C' on his

report!

MOTHER (3)

What?!

FATHER (3)

We'll have to change his

school, the teacher's clearly

falling short.

MOTHER (1)

She's just delightful.

FATHER (1)

So precarious and

MOTHER (1) FATHER (1)

Insightful.

MOTHER (1)

Might she be a little

brighter than the norm?

I know to boast, it's a frightful form!

MIDWIFE (Spoken)

Push Mrs. Wormwood, push!

DOCTOR (AND NURSES)

Miracle, miracle, a miracle;

every life's a miracle,

Beautiful miracle I have ever seen...

spoken:

Mrs Wormwood: Look, is this gonna take

much longer, doctor? I've got a plane

to catch at 3. I'm competing in the

bi annual international amateur salsa

and ballroom championships in Paris

Mrs Wormwood: Oh, yeah! I've been

training four hours a day for the

last two years, and I can tell you

one thing: if Jennifer Littleton

thinks she's walking off with the

coveted golden shoe this year, she's

got another think coming. I've got a

secret weapon: Rudolpho. He's part

Italian, you know. Very supple. He

has incredible upper body strength

Mrs Wormwood: So what is

it? What's wrong with me?

Mrs Wormwood: Wind?

Mrs Wormwood: Am I... Am

I... Uh, look, am I fat?

Mrs Wormwood: WHAT?

Mrs Wormwood: But I've got a

baby! I don't want another one!

Isn't there something you can do?

Mrs Wormwood: Antibiotics or... oh, my

good Lord! What about the golden shoe?

Mrs Wormwood: Oh, bloody hell!

MRS. WORMWOOD (Spoken)

I'll push you in a minute!

Mrs Wormwood: Who won? Was it

Jennifer Littleton? Maybe I can

get a later flight or something

Mrs Wormwood: Just put me out me misery,

was it Jennifer Littleton or not?

Mrs Wormwood: This is

the worst day of my life

MRS. WORMWOOD

Oh, my undercarriage

doesn't feel quite normal.

My skin looks just revolting

in this foul fluorescent

light,

And this gown is nothing like the

semi formal, semi Spanish gown I should

be wearing in the semi finals tonight.

I should be dancing the tarantella

Qui mon fella italiano

Not dressed in hospital cotton,

With a smarting front bottom,

And this

Horrible...

(Mr Wormwood enters)

spoken:

Mr Wormwood: Where is

he? Where is my son?

Mr Wormwood: What? Oh, of course,

doctor, what am I thinking?

This calls for a proper smoke

Mr Wormwood: Oh, my word, he's

an ugly little thing, ain't he?

Mr Wormwood: You need glasses,

mate, he looks like a prune! Oh,

my good Lord, where's his thingy!

Mr Wormwood: His doo dah. His

what dya ma call it. What

you done with his thingy?!

Mr Wormwood: What?!? A boy with no

thingy? Look what you done, you stupid

woman, this boy's got no thingy!

Mr Wormwood: Of course it was Jennifer

Littleton.

MR. WORMWOOD

I can't find his frank and beans...

DOCTOR

One can hardly move for beauty

and brilliance these days.

It seems that there are millions

of these one in a millions

these days

"Specialness" seems de rigueur

Above average is average go figure,

Is it is some modern

miracle of calculus,

That such frequent miracles

don't render each one un

miraculous.

Doctor: You're getting on

a plane, Mrs Wormwood?

Doctor: I think we should have a talk

Doctor: Mrs Wormwood, do

you really have no idea?

Doctor: Mrs Wormwood, I want you to

think very carefully. Now, what do

you think might be the cause of this?

Doctor: Mrs Wormwood, you're pregnant

Doctor: You're going to have a baby

Doctor: You're nine months pregnant!

Doctor: A baby, Mrs Wormwood, a child.

The most precious gift the natural

world can bestow us has been handed to

you. A brand new human being. A life. A

person. A wonderful new person is about

to come into your life to bring love,

and magic, and happiness, and wonder

DOCTOR

Every life I bring into this world

restores my faith in humankind.

DOCTOR

Each new born life, a

canvas yet unpainted...

This still unbroken skin...

This uncorrupted mind...

Every life is unbelievably unlikely.

The chances of e istence,

Almost infinitely small.

The most common thing in life is life,

DOCTOR

And yet every single life,

Every new life is a miracle! Miracle!

Doctor: Mr Wormwood, are you smoking?

Doctor: Mrs Wormwood, please stay where

you are. As I keep telling you, you are

in no shape to dance the tarantella

Doctor: This is one of

the most beautiful little

children I've ever seen!

Doctor: What?

Doctor: This child doesn't

have a... "thingy", Mr Wormwood

Doctor: Mr Wormwood, this

child is a girl. A girl! A

beautiful, beautiful little girl

DOCTOR (AND NURSES)

Miracle, miracle, a miracle;

every life's a miracle,

Beautiful miracle I have ever seen...

DOCTOR

Every life is unbelievably unlikely.

The chances of e istence,

almost infinitely small.

The most common thing in life is life,

And yet every single life,

every new life is a miracle!

Miracle! Miracle!

(Baby cries)

MATILDA

My mummy says I'm a lousy little worm

My daddy says I'm a bore.

My mummy says I'm a

jumped up little germ,

That kids like me should

be against the law.

My daddy says I should

learn to shut my pie hole

No one likes a

smart mouthed girl like me

Mum says I'm a good case

for population control

Dad says I should watch more TV...