Ill Bill – When I Die
I left you outside the gates of heaven - They wouldn't let me in
I waved goodbye as you stepped within
It's like hell on earth without you near
I named my daughter after you
So when she smiles it's sorta like you're still here
It's kinda crazy how time flies - 25 years since my grandmom died
But it feels like just yesterday when we was all laughing together
Those happy memories are so vivid they'll last me forever
& yet you're still here somehow - I still feel your presence
I credit you for my inner strength - I feel it in my essense
In my soul in my inner being in my genetics
I wouldn't exist if you hadn't persisted through the trenches
I wouldn't have been a lyricist I owe you every sentence
Every verse I've ever written - Your energy is kinetic
Though I've grown up I'm still heartbroken aching to cry
Hoping you're the one holding open those gates when I die
I left you outside the gates of heaven - They wouldn't let me in
I waved goodbye as you stepped within
It's like hell on earth without you near
I named my label after you
So when I rhyme it's sorta like you're still here
It's been a year - Still in shock about exactly what happened to you
Made a song for you called "My Uncle"
I was just rapping to you just talking to you
I just saw you at my mother's house
I can't believe I just bought a coffin for you
We always feared that you would die from an overdose
God knows you loved to do drugs it swallowed you whole
But in the end drugs didn't kill you cancer did
Why do good people die young I don't know what the answer is
All I know is I worshipped you as a scrappy kid
Being around you made me feel cooler than rapping did
& that's pretty f**kin cool trust me
I was embarrassed when you started smoking crack
Honestly it crushed me - Swept in under the rug
Started smoking weed & popping acid but managed to not do the uglier drugs
We grew apart after my grandmother died
Homeless in & outta jail we stopped relating to each others lives
But years later we connected once again
Not just as nephew & uncle but as homies we were friends
Though I've grown up I'm still heartbroken aching to cry
Hoping you're the one holding open those gates when I die
