Henry Look at her, a prisoner of the gutter
Condemned by every syllable she ever uttered
By law she should be taken out and hung
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue
Eliza Aaoooww! Henry imitating her Aaoooww!
Heaven's! What a noise!
This is what the British population
Calls an elementary education. Pickering Oh
Counsel, I think you picked a poor example. Henry Did I?
Hear them down in Soho square
Dropping "h's" everywhere
Speaking English anyway they like
You sir, did you go to school?
Man Wadaya tike me for, a fool?
Henry No one taught him 'take' instead of 'tike!
Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse
Hear a Cornishman converse
I'd rather hear a choir singing flat
Chickens cackling in a barn Just like this one!
Eliza Garn! Henry I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that?
It's "Aoooow" and "Garn" that keep her in her place
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
This verbal class distinction by now should be antique
If you spoke as she does, sir, Instead of the way you do
Why, you might be selling flowers, too
An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him
The moment he talks he makes some other
Englishman despise him
One common language I'm afraid we'll never get
Oh, why can't the English learn to set
A good example to people whose
English is painful to your ears?
The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears
There even are places where English completely
Disappears. In America, they haven't used it for years!
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak?
Norwegians learn Norwegian; the Greeks have taught their
Greek. In France every Frenchman knows
His language fro "A" to "Zed"
The French never care what they do, actually
As long as they pronounce in properly
Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning
And Hebrews learn it backwards
Which is absolutely frightening
But use proper English you're regarded as a freak
Why can't the English
Why can't the English learn to speak?
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