This song is called
Alice's Restaurant
and it's 'bout Alice
And the taurant
Alice's restaurant
is not the name of the restaurant
That's the name
of song
why I called the song
Alirant
You can get
anything you want
at Alice's Restaurant
You can get
anything you want
at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in
it's around the back
Just a half a mile
from the railroad track
You can get
anything you want
at Alice's Restaurant
it all starstar-
two Thanksgivings ago
Was on two years go
on Thanksgiving
when my friend and I
Went up to visit Alice
the restaurant but
Alice doesn't live in
the restaurant she
lives in the church nearby
The restaurant in the belltower
with her husband Ray and
Fasha the dog and
livin' in the bell tower like
that a lot
Of room downstairs where the
pews used to be and
Havin' all that room
seein' as how
they out all the pews
They decided that they
didn't to take
out their garbage
for a long time
We got up there
We found all the garbage
in there and we
decided it'd be a
friendly gesture for us
to take the garbage down
To the city dump
So we took
ton of gargar-
in the back
of a red VW crobus
Took shoand rakes and
implements destruction and
Headed on toward
ty dump
Well we got there
and there was a big sign
and a chain across the dump
saying
"closed on Thanksgiving"
We had never heard of a dump
closed on Thanksgiving
before and with
tears in our eyes we drove off
set looking for a
Another place
gargar-
We didn't find one
'Till we came side
and side
of the side road
there was another fifteen
foot cliff and
At bottom of cliff
there was ather pile
of garbage and
we cided that one pile is
than two lipiles and
Rathan bring that one up
we decided to throw ours down
what we did
Drove back the church
had a Thanksdinner
dn't be
beat went to sleep and
get up til the next morning
when we got a phone call
from officer Obie
said kid
found your name on
an envelope bottom
of ab' a half a
ton of garbage and
Just wanted to know if you
had any information about it
And I said yes Sir officer Obie
cannot tell a lie
I put that envelope
under that garbage
speaking to him for about
fortyfive minutes on
the telephone
we finally arrived truth
of the matter and said
We had go down and
pick up the garbage and
And also had to go down
and speak to him at
police cer's stasta-
So we got in the red
VW microbus with the
shovels and rakes
and implements of truction
and heaon
Toward the police
otion
Now friends, there was only
one or two things
that Ocoulda done
At police station
and first was
given us
a medal being brave
and honest on the telephone
Which wasn't very likely
didn't exit
And the other thing was
that he coulda bawled us
out and told us nene-
be see driving gargar-
around the vicinity again
is what we exex-
but when got the
police ostation
There was a third
pobility that we hadn't
ven counted upon and
we was both
immediately arrested
Handcuffed and I said Obie
I don't think I
the garwith
these handcuffs on
He said shut up kid
Get in the back
patrol car
And that's what we did
we sat in the back
patrol car and drove
To quote "Scene of
the Crime" unquote
I want tell you aa-
town of
Stockbridge Massachuchu-
this happened here
They got three stop signs
Two police offiand one
police car but when we
to the "Scene of the Crime"
There was five police officers
and three police cars
Being biggest crime
the last ty years and
everybody wanted to get
The newsstory about it
and they was using up
all kinds of
cop ment
they had hangin' around
The police stasta-
They was taking
plaster tire tracks
foot prints dog smelling prints
They took twenty seven
Eightbyten color gloglo-
photographs circles
and arrows and a
paragraph the back
each one explaining
What each one was
be used
evidence against us
Took approach
the getaway
The northwest corner
the southwest corner
And that's
not to mention
the aetography
After the ordeal
we went back jail
Obie said he was gonna
put us in the cell
said kid I'm gonna
Put you in cell
I want your wallet
And I said Obie
I can understand you
Wanting my wallet
so I don't have
any money to spend
in the cell but
do you want my belt for?
And he said kid
we don't want any hangings
said Obie did think I
was gonna hang
myself for tterin'?
Osaid he was
making sure and
friends Obie was
he took out the toilet seat
so I couldn't hit myself
Othe head and drown
And he took out
the toilet per so
I bend
bars roll out
The roll the toilet
paper out the winwin-
Slide down the roll
and have an escape
Obie was masure
And it was about
four or five hours later
that Alice
Remember Alice?
bout Alice
Alice came by and a few
naswords to Obie on the side
bailed us out of jail and
we went back church
another Thanksgiving
Dinner that couldn't be beat
and we didn't get up
til next morning
when we all had to go to court
We walked in, sat down
Obie came in with the twenty
seven eightbyten color
glowith circir-
and arrows and a paragraph
back each one
sat down
Man came in said all rise
we all stood up and
Oup with
The twenty seven eightbyten
color gloand the
judge walked in sat down
with seeing eye dog
and he sat down, we sat down
bie looked at
seeing eye dog
then at the twenty seven
eightbyten color gloglo-
the circles
And arrows and a paragraph
back one
And looked at the
seeing eye dog
And then at twenty
seven eightbyten
color gloglo-
cirand arrows
and a paragraph the back
Of each one and gan to cry
'cos Obie came to
the realization that
it was a typical case of
american blind jusjus-
And there wawa-
thing he could do about it
And the judge sn't
going to look at the twenty
seven eightbyten color
Glossy tures with
cirand arrows
paragraph on the back
of each one explaining what
each one was be used
As evidence against us
We was fined
dollars and had to
pick up the gargar-
in the snow but
That's not what I came
tell you about
Came to talk about the draft
got a building
down in New York City
It's called Whitehall
where you walk in
you get injected
Inspected detected infected
neglected and selected
I went down
my physical xamination
one day and I walked in
I sat down, got good and
drunk the night before
So I looked and felt my best
when I went in that morning
I wanted to look the
allAmerican from
New York ty
Man I wanted, I wanted
to feel like the all
I wanted to be
the all-American kid from
New York and I walked in
Sat down I was hung down
brung down hung up and all
kinds o' mean nasty ugly
things and I waked in and
sat down and they
Gave me a
kid
See the psychiaroom
six O four
and I
I went up there
I said shrink
I want to kill
I mean I wanna I wanna kill
kill, I wanna I wanna see
I wanna see blood
and gore and guts
and veins in my teeth
eat dead burnt bodies
I mean kill
Kill, kill, kill
And I started jumpin'
and down yelling kill, kill
And he started jumjum-
and down with me
And we was both jumpin' up
and down yelling kill, kill
And the Sargent came over
pinned a medal on me
sent me down the hall
Said you're our boy
Didn't feel good about it
ceeded on down the hall
gettin' more injections
inspections detections
Neglections and all
kinds of stuff that
they as doin' to me at the
thing there and I was there
for two hours
Three hours, four hours
I was there for
a long time
going through all kinds of
mean nasugly things
And I
just having a tough time
there and they was
insting injecting ee-
single part of me and they
Was leaving no part untouched
ceethrough when I
when I finally came to see the
very last man I walked in
walked in sat down after
A whole big thing there
and I walked up
said what do you want?
He said kid we
only got one question
Have been arrested?
And I proceeded to tell him
story of Alice's
Restaurant Macre with
full orchestration and
five part harmony
And stuff like that and all
the phenome and
stopped right there
and said kid
Did you ever go to court?
proceeded to tell him
the story of twenty
seven eightbyten color
gloglo-
circles arrows
And the paragraph on
back each one
And stopped me right
there and said kid
I want to go and
sit down on bench
says Group W
now kid
And I I walked over
the bench there and there is
is group W's where
where put you
if you may not be moral enough
To, to join the army
after committin' your
cial crime and
there was all kinds
of mean nasty ugly
king people on
the bench there and there's
mother rapers
fastabbers
father rapers
Father rapers sitting right
there on the bench
next to me and one
they was mean and nasty
and ugly and horrible
Crimetype guys sitting there
on bench
And the meanest
ugliest nastiest one
the meanest father raper
Of them all
was coming oto me
and he was mean 'n'
ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible
and all kind things
he sat down next
to me and kid
ya get?
I didn't get nothing
I had pay ty dollars and
gargar-
said what were
you arrested for kid?
And I litterin'
and they all moved away
from me on the bench
there and the hairy eyeball
and all kinds of mean
Nasthings 'till I said and
creating a nuisance
And they all came back
shook my hand
had a great time
On the bench
talkin' about crime mother
stafather raping
all kinds of groothings
that we was talabout
On the bench
and ething was fine
We was smokin' cigarettes
and all kinds of things until
the Sargent came over
Had some paper in his hand
held up said kids
This piece of paper's
got forty seven words
thirtyseven sententen-
ftyeight words we wanna
know details of the crime time
of the crime and any other
kind thing you gotta
pertaining to and about
The crime I want to know
arresting officer's name
and any other kind of thing
you gotta say and talked
for fortyfive minutes
And nobody understood
a word that he said but
we had fun filling out
forms and playing
penon the bench there
And I filled out the massacre
with the four part harmony and
Wrote it down there like it
was and everything was
fine and I
Put down the cil and I
turned over the piece
paper and there
then on the other side
In the middle of the other side
Away from everything else
on the other side
In parenses
Capital letters
Quotated
following words
Kid
Have you
rehabilitated self?
I went over Sargent
Sargent you
Lot a damn gall to ask me
if I've rehabitated myself
I mean
I mean, I mean that just
I'm sittin' here on the bench
I mean sittin' here
on the Group W bench
'Cos you want to know if
I'm moral enough join the
Army burn women kids
houses and villalla-
ter bein' a litterbug, mmm?
He looked at me and said kid
we don't like your kind
And we're gonna
send you fingerprints off
to Washington and friends
Somewhere in Waton
enshrined in
Some little folder is
study in black and white
my fingerprints
and the only reason I'm
singing you song now
'cos you may know
somebody in a similar situation
Or you may be in similar
ation and if your in a
tuation like that
There's only one thing
you can do and that's
walk inthe shrink
wherever you are
just walk in say shrink
You can get anything you want
at Alice's Restaurant
and walk out
You know if one perper-
just one person does it
they may think he's really sick
and they won't take him
And if two people
two people do it
in harmony
They may think
both faand
They won't take either of them
And if three people do it
Three can you imagine three
peowalking in singin'
a bar of Alice's Restaurant
and walking out, they may think
it's an organition
And can you, can you
imagine fifty people a day
I said fifpeople day
walking in singin'
a bar of Alice's Restaurant
And walking out
and friends they may
think movement
And that's what it is
Alice's Restaurant
AntiMassacree movement
and all you got to do to join
is to sing it the next time
it come's around on guitar
with feeling
So we'll wait for it to
come around on guitar here
sing it when it does
Here it comes
You can get
anything you want
at Alice's Restaurant
You can get
anything you want
at Alice's Restaurant
Walk right in
it's around the back
Just a half a mile
from the railroad track
You can get
anything you want
at Alice's Restaurant
That was horrible
If you want to end war
stuff you got to sing loud
You can put it loud
singing this song now
twenty five minutes and
could sing it for
ather twenty five minutes
I'm not proud
or tired
So we'll wait 'till it
comes around again and
time with four
part harmony and feeling
We're waitin' for it
to come around
that's what we're doing
All right now
You can get
anything you want
at Alice's Restaurant
excepting Alice
You can get
anything you want
at Alice's Restaurant
I said walk right in
it's around the back
Just a half a mile
from the railroad track
You can get
anything you want
at Alice's Restaurant
Dada dada dada dadum
at Alice's Restaurant
