It must of been 3AM when the text came in

The sum of my fears

My stomach bendin' my thumb was tremblin'

No pun intended but I wanted to die

But it's all for myself

Then it read

"KB this time it's real homie I can't live"

It was in all caps

But I knew he had no caps on his gun or his pills

So I ripped out the door

All the covers down on the floor

No shoes I just walk on my tears

Callin' him over and over and over again

While I'm throwing the car in to gear

How could he be so selfish

Will this happen felt it

Why won't he answer answer answer he answered

"Jason hello "

Suicide suicide suicide

Got one in the chamber

It's waitin' to take you right out tonight

Don't roll the dice roll the dice roll the dice

It's all on the table it's all for the takin'

But what's the odds

I parked in the street

At the car with the keys

Should I call the police

What if he turns it on me

Then I looked up it that him over the sink

I can't think

My tongue is as heavy as my heart

I can't speak

Every time I blink I'm a step closer

My heart about to burst

As I close up on the front door

And give the doorbell a ring

It was unlocked so I ran to top staircase

As I stare got a case on the floor

"Jason open up"

Continued to knock

"Jason open up you ain't gotta do this"

What about the kids

Don't go Judas you got reason to live

We could get through this don't give in"

Then I heard movement

And a voice I'll never forget

He said "Stop it stop it

I'm about to cock it

You barely called back when I was in Iraq

Just leave homeboy I got this

You know the truth is I had to shoot kids

I'm so guilty Open the door )

And God might let it go Open the door )

But I'll never forgive me Jason )

Why not I care I care about you)

The Army never trained me to care

You don't know the horror of living in a war zone

Then coming back to civilian affairs

I made my bed the tables were set

My wife moved out I don't see my kids

Everything that gave me meaning is gone

The grief stays seeded and bleeds to the bone

I want out "

Suicide suicide suicide

Got one in the chamber

It's waitin' to take you right out tonight

Don't roll the dice roll the dice roll the dice

It's all on the table it's all for the takin'

But what's the odds

I ain't have a word not a story not a verse

But the silence

I'm trying not to make this worse

I pray and I googled a search

Nothing from school that will work

But I grew up in the church so what do I do

Just fell to my knees and I started to blurt

I don't understand this I don't understand this

But you been looking to the weed

And them dancers

Don't be conned by the Ye

Nobody in the West got the answers

Let's get established

Your life isn't yours to demand it

You can't do what you please

Jason I love you

But the next step is God homie

You ain't escaping a thing

You know Jesus he wanted to die in that garden

Acquainted to man up his sorrows

But he kept up the fight

'Cause he knew joy it was coming tomorrow

You haven't squeezed that revolver

'Cause you know that there's hope

At the end of the tunnel

Embrace it don't matter how faint it

God is not silent please hear what he's

"Jason "

911 what's your emergency

Yes uh I-I gotta friend

And uh he's locked himself in the bathroom

And I just heard a gun go off and I don't know

Okay calm down sir

Are you able to get inside the room

Yeah he he's got me locked out

Okay can you try to get inside the room

Hold on I'ma try to

Sir

Jason Okay he's-he's not shot

He dropped the gun but he's passed out

Sir I'm gonna need you to calm down

No you calm down Send help quick

Hope is calling you

Hope is calling you