Ey what's going on man

It's your boy Lil' Dicky

A K A Mr Leftward-Sloping Penis

I got a story for y'all man

Peep this

Yessir

Now I been dating this girl named Katie she hot as hell

And her body crazy v****a shaven and it don't smell

And I don't fall for chickens

But this one a little different

Body sickening

Plus she really good at making breaded chicken

Got me thinking she the one man

Even fully clothed shawty really fun man

Get a lotta hoes but none of those come close

I swear this the most that I've felt so damn exposedddd

Oh yeah there's one more thing

And I know this shit gonna sound insane

But I still haven't hit it

I admit it I wish I was kidding

Never been up inside before

Because she's only f**ked one guy before

And though I really wanna boink this w***e

She my sweetie 3 14

So I'm staying patient and masturbating

And now my heart is sorta racing

Cuz she said tonight will be the night we do some fornicating

Hell yeah I'm down I'm 'bout to go all out

I'm gonna pound that crazy like an elaborate black man handshake

But on the way to crib we pass this kid

And he seem to know who Katie is

So I say "who this" and she say

Dicky this is my ex boyfriend Jim"

And I ain't usually the one to be the jealous type

But as I'm looking at this dude I can't believe my eyes

Cuz he's the best looking guy that I've seen in my whole life

He's got the thickest head of hair chiseled jaw an egregious bod

Man this the closest thing I've seen to a Grecian god

And now I'm looking at my chick cuz his dick's been inside her rawww

Awww damn

Man this is crazy

I can't believe this guy used to f**k my lady

I bet he left that p***y ravaged like Haiti

Katie's hugging and squeezing his shoulder blades

And I'm bugging and queasy this ain't okay

And then they say "let's get drinks" so I say okay

Even though I was about to get laid

Man this maf**ka look like Ashton

Combined wit a lil' Hugh Jackman

In other words he's so damn attractive

So damn tan he gotta have a little black in him

Now I'm in the back wit him sipping on some 'gnac wit him

And he paying for it all he investment bankin

I'm acting like I ain't distracted

But I'm reenacting him and Katie bangin

And now I'm feeling pissed so I go and take a piss

Mid stream I look left and guess who it is

And I had to see and I was mad discrete

And I got on my tippy toes and I took a little peek

Oh my god becky look at that cock

And I ain't usually the one to be the jealous type

But as I'm looking at his d**k I can't believe my eyes

Because he's got the biggest cock that I've seen in my whole life

And now I'm staring at this dude's soft d**k with a lotta hate

Because the shit is plus 8 like Jon and Kate

And I don't know if I can date my girl after tonight

Aw damn

I don't know what to do

Dude's d**k is really huge

I didn't realize a penis could be so smooth

I know she's missing that

My penis isn't that

I'm looking closer I think that his d**k has abs

Six pack on a d**k

Now what the f**k is that

It's so long and thick

It's like a punching bag

I'm saying it's so shaven head is amazing

Got my d**k looking like a raisin

Skin tone insane man he's hung like Saddam Hussein it's crazy

What the f**k should I do

He gotta Ruth's Chris d**k and mine's a drive through

I think it's time to

Tell Katie my goodbyes

Cuz I simply can't survive

After seeing what was in between his thighs

So I tell her

That this dude's gotta d**k that I don't comprehend

I had to move my neck to see it end to end

I mean the physics of his d**k just don't make any sense

And I think it's for the best if this comes to an end

Because the s*x with him must have been the best

And I would say let's just be friends

But I think I would just think about his d**k all the time so goodbye

Then she told me Dicky I don't really know what to say

Because I dated this dude in second grade

So I don't know about his d**k now let's go home and get you laid

And then I took her to my crib and you know that we barely slept

And I gave her an O like I was selling crack and when I came

I pulled out and nutted all over her left thigh

And upper mid-section region

You can call that the pelvis

Some would even call that the pubic bone

Leave the pubes at home

Making this up on the spot

F**k you know about it

I'm about to go paper-mache my own d**k and ride it