All my life I've loved Jimmy Durante

As I suppose you have too

And the next thing is kind of

A Jimmy Durante type song that I wrote

And it goes like this

If I could play the piano

Like I'd like to play the piano

I would sit down at the piano

And I'd play

That's how I'll play the piano night and day

If I could play the banjo

Like I'd like to play the banjo

I'd go out and buy a banjo

And a pick

I mean I'd play the banjo really slick

If I could play the bongos

I'd go get a set of drums

I'd entertain my chums

And then they'd call me twinkle thumbs

But I can't play the piano

Or the banjo or the bongos

Cause when I sit down to play

The people laugh

So I guess I'll have to play my phonograph

But my phonograph is broke

My phonograph is broke

My phonograph is broke

I bought it in Hoboken

They fixed it in Shamokin

I mean it I'm not jokin'

My phonograph is broke

Let's finish this I'm chokin'

I'm chokin' and I'm croakin'

Hey stop the music

Stop the music

Stop the music

Stop the music

The following big finish comes to you

From that other great piano player

Van Cliburn