The other night I'm walking home

And feeling so gay

When I'm walking home I'm always that way

What a home I got

The kitchen is delightful the living room is grand

And the bathroom is out of this world

Which makes it a little bit inconvenient

When I opened up my door I got the grandest surprise

All my friends were there and they began to harmonize

Wait a minute wait a minute

Curb your enthusiasm this isn't my birthday

No but it's the birthday of someone near and dear to me

It's my nose's birthday not mine

And I'm proud to say the snoz is doing fine

My nose was born upon this day in eighteen ninety three

Exactly two weeks later the stork delivered me

Was the first time that a nose outweighed the child

When I was born my dad took one look at my snoz and said

Stork take that back

Just because our country's emblem is an eagle

That don't mean we have to raise one

But in spite of my dad

The snoz and I are closer than David and pretentious

Not even a mustache has ever come between us

I tried to raise a mustache once and what happened

Nutting

It wouldn't grow in the shade

It's sabotage

But I'm as happy as I can be

Cuz it's my nose's golden adversary

Looking back over the years

The snoz and I weathered many a storm

I remember years ago my first train ride

I was on a lower birth when I decided to call the porter

So I stuck my nose out through the curtain and what happened

The porter came by grabbed my snoz and before I could pull it back in

He bruised it shined it polished and said

Now where's the other shoe

A big tear started to roll down my nose

And it's a brave tear that will start on a trip like that

I felt sorry for the snoz

But I'm proud of

Why

I'll tell ya

The snoz was never unreasonable

He'd never asked for no french rolled handkerchiefs

He didn't need no french rolled handkerchiefs

A whips of the cuff was enough

Yes and I'll never forget the time the snoz saved my life

I was one of those sultry weekends at the beach

I'm in the water swimming the Australian crawl

When I find myself face to face with a vicious swordfish

He was about to attack

But after taking a second look at me the swordfish said

I give up you're equipped with a superior weapon

So ya see

I'm as happy as I can be

Cuz it's my nose's golden anniversary

Yes it's my nose's golden anniversary