This song tells the story of a man

Who went to a psychiatrist for twenty years

Suffering from an inferiority complex

And at the end of twenty years

He discovered he had no complex at all

He was definitely inferior

It's an actuality not a probability

People with six little toesies

Often have weird neuroses

It's an actuality not a probability

Joe pitched girls on his milk route

Now he's inside lookin' out

It's an actuality not a probability

We're all proud of my friend mort

He illustrated kinsley's report

It's an actuality not a probability

Normal people love perfection

They read playboy's middle section

It's an actuality not a probability

People with two heads you see

May have split personalities

It's an actuality not a probability

Psychiatrists are just plain folks

Mine even knows a shady joke

It's an actuality not a probability