You're walking in the woods

There's no one around and your phone is dead

Out of the corner of your eye you spot him:

Shia LaBeouf

He's following you, about 30 feet back

He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint

He's gaining on you

Shia LaBeouf

You're looking for you car but you're all turned around

He's almost upon you now

And you can see there's blood on his face

My God, there's blood everywhere!

Running for you life (from Shia LaBeouf)

He's brandishing a knife (It's Shia LaBeouf)

Lurking in the shadows

Hollywood superstar Shia LaBeouf

Living in the woods (Shia LaBeouf)

Killing for sport (Shia LaBeouf)

Eating all the bodies

Actual cannibal Shia LaBeouf

Now it's dark and you seem to have lost him

But you're hopelessly lost yourself

Stranded with a murderer

You creep silently through the underbrush

Aha! In the distance

A small cottage with a light on

Hope! You move stealthily toward it

But your leg! Ah! It's caught in a bear trap!

Gnawing off your leg (Quiet, quiet)

Limping to the cottage (Quiet, quiet)

Now you're on the doorstep

Sitting inside: Shia LaBeouf

Sharpening an axe (Shia LaBeouf)

But he doesn't hear you enter (Shia LaBeouf)

You're sneaking up behind him

Strangling superstar Shia LaBeouf

Fighting for your life with Shia LaBeouf

Wrestling a knife from Shia LaBeouf

Stab him in his kidney

Safe at last from Shia LaBeouf

You limp into the dark woods

Blood oozing from your stump leg

But you have won; you have beaten

Shia LaBeouf

Wait! He isn't dead (Shia surprise)

There's a gun to your head and death in his eyes

But you can do Jis Jitsu

Body slam superstar Shia LaBeouf

Ledendary fight with Shia LaBeouf

Normal Tuesday night for Shia LaBeouf

You try to swing an axe at Shia Labeouf

But blood is draining fast from your stump leg

He's dodging every swipe, he parries to the left

You counter to the right, you catch him in the neck

You're chopping his head now

You have just decapitated Shia Labeouf

His head Topples to the floor, expressionless

You fall to your knees and catch your breath

You're finally safe from Shia Labeouf