Mother Nature made me

Strictly second rate

Smart but not good-looking

What an awful fate

Girls don't go for IQ

Eggheads ain't their style

They don't say I like you

They don't even smile

Well Mother Nature

I'll get back at you

Tomorrow morning here's what I will do

I'm calling Dr Max Rose

That's who I chose

He's gonna make me

A second-hand nose

I went to his office once or twice and

All his patients looked like Barbra Streisand

Then I'll get second-hand hair

Second-hand teeth

And contact lenses

In a baby blue

And elevator shoes

And then I'll melt the girls' hearts

They can't resist a man

With interchangeable parts

Girls will go nuts

Parked in my second-hand Stutz

We'll sit there sniffing glue

On Second Avenue