I came crawling home last
night, like many nights before:
I finally made it to my feet
as she opened up the door.
And she said, "You're not
gonna do this anymore."
She said: "I'm gonna' hire a
wino to decorate our home,
"So you'll feel more at ease
here, and you won't have to roam.
"We'll take out the dining room
table, and put a bar along that wall.
"And a neon sign, to point the way,
to our bathroom down the hall."
She said: "Just bring your
Friday paycheck, and I'll
cash them all right here.
"And I'll keep on tap for all your
friends, their favorite kinds of beer.
"And for you, I'll always keep in
stock, those soft aluminum cans.
"And when you're feeling macho,
you can crush them like a man."
She said: "We'll rip out all the
carpet, and put sawdust on the floor.
"Serve hard boiled eggs and
pretzels, and I won't cook no more.
"There'll be Monday night
football, on T.V. above the bar.
"And a pay phone in the hallway, when
your friends can't find their car."
She said: "I'm gonna' hire a
wino to decorate our home,
"So you'll feel more at ease
here, and you won't have to roam.
"We'll take out the dining room
table, and put a bar along that wall.
"And a neon sign, to point the way,
to our bathroom down the hall."
She said: "You'll get friendly
service, and for added atmosphere.
"I'll slip on something se y,
and I'll cut it clear to here.
"Then you can slap my bottom,
every time you tell a joke.
"Just as long as you keep tipping,
well, I'll laugh until you're broke."
She said: "Instead of family quarrels,
we'll have a bar room brawl,
"When the Ham's bear say's its closing
time, you won't have far to crawl.
"And when you run out of money,
you'll have me to thank.
"You can sleep it off ne t morning,
when I'm putting it in the bank."
She said: "I'm gonna' hire a
wino, to decorate our home,
"So you can feel more at ease
here, and you won't have to roam.
"When you and your friends get off
From work, and have a powerful thirst.
"There won't be any reason, why
you can't stop off here first."
She said: "I'm gonna' hire a
wino to decorate our home,
"So you'll feel more at ease
here, and you won't have to roam.
"We'll take out the dining room
table, and put a bar along that wall.
"And a neon sign, to point the way,
to our bathroom down the hall."
