Written by：Stephen Lynch

If I could be a Superhero

I would be Awesome Man

I'd fly around the world fighting crime

According to my Awesome Plan

And if I saw criminals trying to lie

Hurting other people and making them cry

I'd haul them off to jail in my Awesome Van

Because I would be Awesome Man

If I could be a Superhero

I would be Drug-Free Boy

Telling the world of the evils of drugs

And the lives that they destroy

Well I'd take all the junkies getting so high

With their needles and bongs and sticks made of thai

As I'd burn them alive and I would squeal with joy

'Cause I would be Drug-Free Boy

If I could be a Superhero

I'd be Immigration Dude

I'd send all the foreigners back to their homes

For eating up all of our food

And taking our welfare and best jobs to boot

Like landscaping dish washing picking our fruit

I'd pass lots of laws to get rid of their brood

Because I would be Immigration Dude

Oh

If you could be a Superhero

Would you be Justice Guy

Making sure people get what they deserve

Especially women who lie

Like if a wife left her husband

With three kids and no job

To run off to f**king Hawaii

With some doctor named Bob

You could skin them and drain them

Of blood till they die

Especially that motherf**king Bob

Then you would be Justice Guy

Or then you would be Awesome Man

Or then you would be Drug-Free Boy

Or then you would be Immigration Dude

Yes then you would be a superhero like me

And f**k you guy