Let's meet contestant number one

He's a schitzophrenic serial killer clown

Who says women love his sexy smile

Let's find out if his charm will work on Sharon

Sharon, what's your question?

Contestant number one, I believe first impressions last forever

So let's say you were to come over to my parents' house

And have dinner with me and my family

Tell me what you'd do to make that first impression really stay

Let's see, hmm, well I'd have to think about it

I might show up in a tux, ha! But I doubt it

I'd probably just show up naked like I always do

And look your mama in the eye and tell her f*ck you!

Hurry up b***h I'm hungry, I smell spaghetti

I'd pinch her loopy ass and tell her get the food ready!

Your dad would probably start trippin', and get me pissed

I'd have to walk up and bust him in his fuckin lips!

It's dinner time, while hearin' grace from your mother

I pull a 40 out and pour some for your little brother

I'm steady, staring at your sister, I'll tell you this

You know for only thirteen she got some big tits!

After that, your dad would try to jump again

And only this time I'd put the 40 to his chin!

After your mom does the dishes and the silverwear

I'd dry f*ck her 'till I nut in my underwear!

Now let's meet contestant number two

He's a psychopathic derranged crackhead freak

Who works for the Dark Carnival

He says women call him stretch nuts

Sharon, let's hear your question

I like a man who's not afraid to show his true emotions

A man who expresses himself in his own special way

Number two, if you fell in love with me, exactly how would you let me know?

First thing, I could never love you

You sound like a richy bitch, yo f*ck you!

But if I did, I'd probably show you that I care

By takin all these other mutha fuckers outta here!

I'd go through your phonebook and whack 'em all

And find contestant number one and break his fuckin jaw! (What)

Anyone who looked at ya, would have to pay

I'd be blowin' fuckin' nuggets off all day!

I'd Grab your titties, and stretch em down past your waist

Let em go, and watch 'em both spring up in your face

I'd sing love songs to ya, the best I can

Get ya naked and hit it like a caveman!

Then we'd go to the beach and walk through the sand

I'd throw a little in your face and say I'm just playin'

As you spit it all out, I'll rub your back, and

Grab your underwear and wedge it up your ass crack!

Well it sounds like contestant number two

Is just overflowing with sensitivity Sharon

It's a tough choice so far

Sharon, let's have your last question

And see which one is gonna win the rights to your neden

Ok, if we were at a dance club

And you both noticed me at the same time

Tell me, how would you each get my attention

And what would your pick up lines be

Whoever's the smoothest wins!

Ok, first, I'd slide up to the bar

And tell you that I can't believe how fuckin' fat you are!

I'd tell ya that I like the way you make your titties shake

And if you lost a little weight you'd look like Ricki Lake

Fuck, that! You'd be jackin' me quick!

I'd order you a drink, and stir it with my d**k

And then to get your attention in a crowded place

I'd simply walk up and stick my nuts in your face!

Yeah, freak her with your nuts, yo that'll get her!

Tell her that she's fat, yeah, that'll work even better!

Look, f*ck you, I gotta strong rap s**t

You don't want contestant number two he's mad whack

I walked into a barn, and there he was

Standing on a bucket tryin' ta f*ck it

It was a big f*****g smelly ass farm llama

Damn, dogg!

How you gonna diss yo mama?