As I walk through the valley
Where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife
And realize she's very plain.
But that's just perfect
For an Amish like me
You know I shun fancy things
Like electricity
At 4:30 in the mornin'
I'm milking cows
Jedediah feeds the chickens
And Jacob plows, fool.
And I've been milking
and plowing so long that
Even Ezekial thinks that my mind is gone
I'm a man of the land,
I'm into discipline.
Got a bible in my hand
And a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores,
And you finish thine
Then tonight we're going to party
Like it's 1699
We've been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
I've churned butter once or twice,
Living in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice,
Living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price,
Living in an Amish paradise
A local boy kicked me
in the butt last week
I just smiled at him,
And I turned the other cheek
I really don't care,
In fact, I wish him well.
'Cos I'll be laughin' my head off
When he's burnin' in hell
But I ain't never punched a tourist
Even if he deserved it
An Amish with a 'tude,
You know that's unheard of.
I never wear buttons,
But I've got a cool hat
And my homies agree
I really look good in black, fool
If you come to visit,
You'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the
Phone bill in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint,
So please, don't point and stare
We're just technologically impaired
There's no phone, no lights,
No motorcars, not a single lu ury
Like Robinson Crusoe,
It's as primitive as can be.
We've been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and simple guys,
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no time for sin and vice,
Living in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice,
Living in an Amish paradise.
Hitchin' up the buggy,
Churnin' lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday,
Soon I'll raise a nutter
Think you're really righteous?
Think you're pure in heart?
Well, I know I'm a million times
As humble as thou art.
I'm the pious guy
The little Amlettes want to be like
On my knees day and night
Scoring points for the afterlife
So don't be vain,
And don't be whiney
Or else my brother might have
to get medieval on your hiney
We've been spending most our
Lives living in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites,
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights,
Living in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably think it bites,
Living in an Amish paradise
Yick!
