It′s a day of hugs and snuggles
A time to spread your loving seeds
It's a rolling, growing pink snowball of
Stress that no one needs
It′s unhealthy expectations
An opportunity to impress
It's a yearly grim reminder
That your life's a f****d up mess
It′s a dark and lurid history
Of deviant pagan kicks
It′s outrageously expensive
Just stay home and watch the Knicks
It's a big fat middle finger
To those who′re all alone
Whether sick or tired, or uninspired
You still gotta bring the bone
It's a clusterfuck of passions
An emotional tour de force
It′s a cuddly little Cupid
With the cock of a full-grown horse
Valentine, St. Valentine
I gotta make it through your day
Of candy hearts and chocolate shards
And every bullshit love cliché
The hard-ons and the heartaches
The pressure, pain and fear
Valentine's Day
Got to survive you another year
What does having a girl
Hormone monster mean?
How long can I be
A f*ck machine?
I′ll be cooler-
Why is there never anyone for me?
What if the Knicks aren't on TV?
Valentine, St. Valentine
Your day is f*****g asinine
But I swear by God
I'm gonna make it through!
