At the early age of three
It first occured to me
A girl should always try to improve herself
While the others played with toys
I practiced charm and poise
And finished Dr Elliot's five foot shell
I exercised each morning
Cold creamed my face each night
Saw my dentist twice a year
Curbed my appetite
And so I modestly admit
It didn't help one single bit
Some girls can make any man dream
By flashing an innocent gleam
Me I do and hiccup curl my upper lip up
Light a roman candle and scream
I have to do it the hard way
Some girls can wear any old rags
And capture the wolves and the stags
Me I dress in sables walk across the tables
Waving three American flags
I have to do it the hard way
Let's say there's a dance
They're playing a waltz
And I want romance
That's when I begin turning sommersalts
Some girls can keep men on their toes
By smiling and throwing a rose
Me I wrack my noodle
Whistle "Yankee Doodle"
Balancing a broom on my nose
Oh I'm a telling you why
I have to do it the hard way
I have to do it the hard way
Suppose there's a park
A boy on a bench
I'm out for a lark
So I make him fall with a monkey wrench
When someone like Hedy Lamarr
Steps into the swankiest bar
All the fellas get up
Light her cigarette up
Me I'd have to smoke a cigar
And then they call me a car
Dr is there a chance for me
Can't you cure this insanity
I'm tired of tearing up the town being one of the sights
Wearing funny hats trimmed in neon lights
Why must all I always be bettered and scorned
Doin' everything the hard way
